Updates to the
Newspeak Dictionary, 2013.
BY MICHAEL LEVY
lifedoc – The practice of taking time out of an ostensibly enjoyable activity for the purpose of documenting that activity.
“That guy’s gotta quit it with the lifedoc. Put the phone down, buddy.”
waitsend – The act of delaying one’s response to a text message so as to avoid creating an expectation for an immediate response.
“Hmm, this seems fun, I’ll waitsend and then let her know we’re gonna be there.”
waitlike – Similar to waitsend in that it is an intentional delay, but in this case it refers to seeing the moment when a social media post is created. It is the act of waiting a given amount of time before reacting to the post to create the illusion that one arrived at the social media site after engaging in other meaningful activities.
“Yeah, this photo’s hilarious, I gotta waitlike for a minute though, then I’ll give it a LOL.”
tweetthink – The impulse you have, after naturally saying something funny in conversation, to craft that statement into a social media post.
“[heheh, that really got a laugh, I wonder how I wou— no, damn it, this is tweetthink again]”
talkstop – A moment during a meal between two people when they both acknowledge, silently or vocally, that they would like to pause their conversation and check their phones for updates and reply to any missed messages.
“Look at the couple over there, that talkstop has been going on for a while.”
quickknow – The slight pause in an instant message conversation while one person looks up the definition to something that the other person said.
“Shoot, I hope he didn’t notice that quickknow while I looked up ‘sconce.’”
conbreak – The act of going to the bathroom during a social event, not to actually use the bathroom, but to check one’s phone.
“He’s been in the bathroom for a while, I’m pretty sure he’s on a conbreak.”
voidshout – The disappointment one feels after a photo or status update that one thought was funny or important, doesn’t get any response.
“I really thought people would like this photo of my baby but I guess it’s just more voidshout.”
untweet – The practice of removing an social media post at a later date once that post becomes embarrassing.
“Yeah, that photo’s great, but you better save it, she’ll probably untweet it.”
SUGGESTED READSList: Proposed Additions to the Internet Lexicon
by Brandon Scott Gorrell (9/20/2011)
List: Eventual Everything: 65 Selected Pairs of Guide Words from the McGraw-Hill School Dictionary, 1998 Edition
by Joy Nolan (1/10/2000)
List: Jurisdictional Karate: 36 Selected Pairs of Guide Words from The Merriam-Webster Dictionary, 1974
by Joy Nolan (12/5/2000)
RECENTLYThe First Black Friday, by William Bradford
by River Clegg (11/27/2015)
Black Friday Special: Common Retail Questions Answered With Deeper Questions
by Kate Hahn (11/27/2015)
Butterball Help-Line Help-Line
by Alysia Gray Painter (11/25/2015)
POPULARThe Four Horsemen of Gentrification
by Zain Khalid (11/3/2015)
Monologue: An Extremely Pregnant Woman Has a Few Questions for the Motherhood Maternity Customer Service Desk
by Amy Rolph (8/4/2015)
Monologue: As Your Governor, I Will Protect You From Mass Shooters If They Are Syrian
by Pete Reynolds (11/18/2015)