A McSweeney’s Kickstarter Testimonial

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“It was May, 1999 or so, give or take a year, and I had hit the road, tired of working for the ‘man.’ I was thumbing rides, and hopping boxcars or ‘shuffling squaretops’ (hobo slang). I was a loner, didn’t want or need another’s company. I was tired, strung out. I’d been working 80-hour weeks writing copy for a hot new product called ‘the Internet.’ One night I was holed up in a tree outside of Phoenix and from my perch I could see a young punk fussing with a rusty bicycle outside of the public library. I yelled down, ‘Hey, man! Don’t ya got no sense?’ and he scattered like he’d heard a ghost. I got to thinking bout that library down there and fell asleep dreaming of the possibilities. In the morning I crawled over to the entrance like a baby on a trail of crumbs. A kind lady let me in early and I got the first seat in front of their brand new computer. I logged onto the devil himself, wondering if I’d regret it, but then to my surprise I found me a little site called ‘McSweeney’s.’ It was a gateway, man. Finally the devil had redeemed himself. It was as if Saint Peter had popped his head out and said, ‘Hey, ‘bo, life can be a breeze if you let it, ya know?’ I made an about face, and now I run a chain of carpet shops in the Midwest. All thanks to McSweeney’s. So please support their Kickstarter.”
— Ted Travelstead, actor, writer, longtime Tendency contributor, and 41st ranked carpet salesperson in the Midwest

Visit our Kickstarter page to pledge your support.

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Dispatches from the NBA Entertainment League

BY

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Graham Murphy’s lifetime averages for points, assists, and rebounds per game are nowhere near a triple-double.

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Dispatch 29: The Game That Sunk Us Into a Paxil-Defying Funk (4/5/2008)

Dispatch 28: The Game That Made Us Think That Things Were Bad but Hadn’t Hit Rock Bottom (3/19/2008)

Dispatch 27: The Game That Confirmed Some of Our Initial Worries (2/10/2008)

Dispatch 26: The Game That Marked the Beginning of Our Grudge Against the Commissioner (1/10/2008)

Dispatch 25: The Game That Reflected Our Character (9/25/2007)

Dispatch 24: The Shot Heard Round the League (6/4/2007)

Dispatch 23: The Games That Vaulted Us to Near the Top of the Standings (5/21/2007)

Dispatch 22: The Game That Succeeded the Hangover (4/26/2007)

Dispatch 21: The Game That Demonstrated That Sometimes You Take a Bite Out of the Apple, Sometimes the Apple Takes a Bite Out of You (3/9/2007)

Dispatch 20: The Game That Said We Could Play With Anyone (3/1/2007)

Dispatch 19: The Game That Was the Pride of New England (2/15/2007)

Dispatch 18: The Rout That Got Us Back on Track (2/10/2007)

Dispatch 17: The Game That Begged Ecclesiastic Pondering (1/31/2007)

Dispatch 16: The Game That Announced We Were Not to Be Messed With (1/16/2007)

Dispatch 15: The Game We Won’t Be Able to Get Out of Our Minds (4/26/2006)

Dispatch 14: The Playoff Games That Were Distressing Yet Provided Succor (4/17/2006)

Dispatch 13: The Game That Could Have Offered Payback (4/5/2006)

Dispatch 12: The Warning Shot Over the Bow (3/22/2006)

Dispatch 11: The Game That Wasn’t (3/13/2006)

Dispatch 10: The Game We Thought Might Be Close, But Wasn’t (3/6/2006)

Dispatch 9: The Partial Revenge (2/23/2006)

Dispatch 8: The Bludgeoning (2/10/2006)

Dispatch 7: Game Six: The Agony of Defeat (2/2/2006)

Dispatch 6: Game Five: The Romp (1/24/2006)

Dispatch 5: The Bye Week: A Little Rest for the Weary (1/18/2006)

Dispatch 4: Game Four: The Imposition of Our Will (1/11/2006)

Dispatch 3: Game Three: The Sweet Smell of Victory (1/3/2006)

Dispatch 2: Game Two: The Stolen Victory (12/23/2005)

Dispatch 1: The League and Game One: The Shame (12/21/2005)

McSweeney’s is a publishing company based in San Francisco.
As well as operating a daily humor website, we also publish Timothy McSweeney’s Quarterly Concern, the Believer, and an ever-growing selection of books under various imprints. You can buy all of these things from our online store. We’re also transitioning to a nonprofit and would greatly appreciate your help. You can support us today by donating to our Kickstarter campaign.