“I’m Fine”

Of course, I’m not fine.
I am sick of asking you.
Load the dishwasher.

- - -

“You Look Tired Today”

Okay, it’s my turn.
You look tired today, David.
How does it feel now?

- - -

“I Can’t Find It”

Did you look for it?
Did you really look for it?
Did you even try?

- - -

“I Think You’re Overreacting”

Seriously, Brad?
You are underreacting.
Maybe you suck ass.

- - -

“Don’t You Want to Have Kids Someday?”

And wreck my body,
my finances, and my life?
No thank you, Susan.

- - -

“She’s Crazy”

Oh, I understand.
So, you’re the problem. Not her.
I’d get that checked out.

- - -

“How Does It Feel to Have It All?”

Thank you for asking.
This is such a great question.
Honestly? It sucks.

- - -

“Wow, I Would Never Do That with My Kids”

Aw, so sweet of you!
Thank you for your opinion.
Now kindly fuck off.

- - -

“Get It, Girlboss!”

Hear me out. What if…
I don’t want to “get it,” kay?
I am exhausted.

- - -

“You’re a Strong, Independent Woman Who Doesn’t Need Anyone”

This is somehow worse
than the “girlboss” energy.
What if I need help?

- - -

“Oh, I’m Not Really Into Chick Lit”

That’s fine, Jeremy.
We all have our opinions.
I don’t read Dick Lit.