The Believer Magazine
Articles by
Jack Loftus
Jack Loftus is an associate creative director, writer, and fledgling cartoonist living outside of Boston, MA. He’s contributed to McSweeney’s, Weekly Humorist, Gizmodo, and, shamelessly, his personal site jackloftus.com.
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June 2, 2025The Zen of Dying Quietly, and Other Teachings by Senator Joni Ernst
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April 8, 2025“This Will Be Good for You”: A Few Words from the Iceberg That Sank the Titanic
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August 8, 2024A New Hope Spreads Across a Galaxy Far, Far Away—Here’s Why That’s a Big Problem for the Republic
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May 29, 2013I’m Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, King of the Fucking Sea
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February 19, 2013Instagram Filters Inspired by My Parents’ Reaction to Yet Another Return Home as a Single Man Who Has Still Not Enrolled In Graduate School
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September 27, 2011Denny’s Research & Development Team Leader Doesn’t Have Time For Your Shit
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May 11, 2011A Hoth Realtor Addresses Some of the Concerns Being Raised Over His Decision to Turn Han Solo’s Deceased Tauntaun Into a Modest Studio Apartment
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April 13, 2011The Washington Post Inadvertently Publishes My Online Dating Profile with the Editor’s Notes Still Included
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December 14, 2010The Word Dude Reflects On Its Steady Decline from Keeping Company with Rakish 19th Century Dandies to Its Demeaning Modern Day Role as Filler for Light Beer Commercials
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June 3, 2025New York Times’ Style Guide Substitutions for “The President Violated the Constitution”
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June 6, 2025I, Saruman, Have Ended My Alliance with the Dark Lord Sauron
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February 10, 2015What a Straight Man’s Favorite Musical Says About Him
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June 9, 2025It’s Not Going Great, but Imagine How Much Worse Things Would Be with a Woman President