LEST WE FORGET THE HORRORS
Articles by
Jack Loftus
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May 29, 2013Monologue: I’m Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, King of the Fucking Sea
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February 19, 2013List: Instagram Filters Inspired by My Parents’ Reaction to Yet Another Return Home as a Single Man Who Has Still Not Enrolled In Graduate School
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September 27, 2011Denny’s Research & Development Team Leader Doesn’t Have Time For Your Shit
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May 11, 2011A Hoth Realtor Addresses Some of the Concerns Being Raised Over His Decision to Turn Han Solo’s Deceased Tauntaun Into a Modest Studio Apartment
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April 13, 2011The Washington Post Inadvertently Publishes My Online Dating Profile with the Editor’s Notes Still Included
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December 14, 2010Monologue: The Word Dude Reflects On Its Steady Decline from Keeping Company with Rakish 19th Century Dandies to Its Demeaning Modern Day Role as Filler for Light Beer Commercials
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October 10, 2018My Common App Essay: “Every School Reading This Except Dartmouth Sucks Ass”
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October 20, 2009It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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October 8, 2018Matreon: The Patreon Platform for Emotional Labor
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October 12, 2018List: Appropriate Moments to Respond With Lady Gaga’s Guttural Howl From the Song “Shallow”
Recently
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October 19, 2018Stoning Our Neighbors to Death Makes the Corn Grow High, and Elitist Liberals Should Stop Attacking This Traditional Value
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October 19, 2018Animals Got Problems: Everyone Is Exhausting
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October 19, 2018One Small Blow Against Encroaching Totalitarianism: Levelers and Sharpeners
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October 19, 2018Letter of Recommendation for a Basic Male MFA Applicant