Articles by
Jack Loftus
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May 29, 2013Monologue: I’m Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, King of the Fucking Sea
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February 19, 2013List: Instagram Filters Inspired by My Parents’ Reaction to Yet Another Return Home as a Single Man Who Has Still Not Enrolled In Graduate School
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September 27, 2011Denny’s Research & Development Team Leader Doesn’t Have Time For Your Shit
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May 11, 2011A Hoth Realtor Addresses Some of the Concerns Being Raised Over His Decision to Turn Han Solo’s Deceased Tauntaun Into a Modest Studio Apartment
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April 13, 2011The Washington Post Inadvertently Publishes My Online Dating Profile with the Editor’s Notes Still Included
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December 14, 2010Monologue: The Word Dude Reflects On Its Steady Decline from Keeping Company with Rakish 19th Century Dandies to Its Demeaning Modern Day Role as Filler for Light Beer Commercials
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August 8, 2018The Very Model of a Modern-Age Millennial
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August 2, 2018You Have Been Loading the Dishwasher Incorrectly Your Entire Life
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November 12, 2015Maybe I Should Stop Bringing Up My Cat So Much When People Tell Me Stories About Their Kids
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June 29, 2018List: 17 Real-Life Would-You-Rathers I, a Woman, Have Had to Ask Myself
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August 15, 2018How Can We Save Democracy? Shut Up, So I Can Tell You
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August 15, 2018List: Table of Contents From Sorry, You’re Kind of Fucked: The Only Child’s Survival Guide
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August 15, 2018One Small Blow Against Encroaching Totalitarianism: An Excerpt from Nobody Hates Trump More than Trump: An Intervention
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August 15, 2018How to Handle Anxiety About the Toxic Sludge Filling Your Bedroom