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Articles by
Jack Loftus
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May 29, 2013I’m Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, King of the Fucking Sea
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February 19, 2013Instagram Filters Inspired by My Parents’ Reaction to Yet Another Return Home as a Single Man Who Has Still Not Enrolled In Graduate School
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September 27, 2011Denny’s Research & Development Team Leader Doesn’t Have Time For Your Shit
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May 11, 2011A Hoth Realtor Addresses Some of the Concerns Being Raised Over His Decision to Turn Han Solo’s Deceased Tauntaun Into a Modest Studio Apartment
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April 13, 2011The Washington Post Inadvertently Publishes My Online Dating Profile with the Editor’s Notes Still Included
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December 14, 2010The Word Dude Reflects On Its Steady Decline from Keeping Company with Rakish 19th Century Dandies to Its Demeaning Modern Day Role as Filler for Light Beer Commercials
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April 12, 2021Son, It’s Time You Learned About Sex by Discussing David Bowie’s Huge Bulge in Labyrinth
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April 9, 2021An Open Letter to My Children Regarding the Commencement of Asynchronous Parenting
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April 9, 2021The Five Stages of Grief When Dealing With No Longer Being Able to See the “Scoop, There It Is” Geico Commercial