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Articles by
Matthew Brian Cohen
Matthew Brian Cohen’s work has appeared in McSweeney’s, Weekend Update, The Onion, College Humor, and more. He runs the humor magazine, Janice.
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January 13, 2021This Might Be The Most Disgusting Fuddruckers of All Time, But It’s Just Not Who We Are
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November 10, 2020It’s Time to Bring the Country Together and Let Republicans Get Away with Crimes Again
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March 26, 2020As Bad As the COVID-19 Crisis Is Now, Life Will Eventually Go Back to Being Normal-Bad Again
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February 10, 2020America Must Not Become Socialist, Lest We Abandon What Makes Our Country Awful
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January 7, 2020The Case For War, By Someone Whose Kids Won’t Die Fighting In It
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August 21, 2019Summary of Benefits and Coverage For Your New Garbage Health Insurance
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June 14, 2019I Don’t Actually Have to Sell This War With Iran, Do I?
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April 17, 2019Put Aside Your Purity Politics and Embrace My Feckless Centrism
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March 5, 2019I Support Strong Women of Color Unless They Are Politically to My Left
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April 10, 2017It’s Absurd That Mitch McConnell Has Proposed We Disband the Senate, and Why I, John McCain, Am Voting for It Anyway
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March 3, 2017Noam Chomsky Explains Why His Lecture Series on the United States Government’s History of Intervention in Central America is Sponsored by Michelob Ultra
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January 26, 2017It’s Hard to Describe What We Do Here at Goldman Sachs, So Let’s Just Say We Take Money From the Poor and Give It to the Rich
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October 8, 2021A Typical Friday in Oregon, as Imagined by My East Coast Friends
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September 2, 2021Oh My Fucking God, Get the Fucking Vaccine Already, You Fucking Fucks
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September 30, 2021This Is Your Kid’s School and Even Though the Emergency Contact Form Lists Your Husband, We Need You, the Mom
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September 22, 2021It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
Recently
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October 22, 2021Actually, Sandworm Attacks Have Only a One Percent Death Rate
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October 22, 2021Halloween Costume Ideas for New Parents
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October 21, 2021It’s Time We Get Back to the Traditional Family Values of Absentee Fathers
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October 21, 2021An Interview with Farah Ali About Her New Book, People Want to Live