ILLUSTORIA MAGAZINE
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Articles by
Patrick Crooks
Patrick Crooks is a Brooklyn-based writer where, among other things, he instigates feuds with ’70s pop stars for the Hard Times, and occasionally does stand up despite his crippling anxiety. He is single and childless.
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January 13, 2022I Can’t Help but Notice That This is the Thirteenth Month in a Row I’ve Been Featured as HR’s Commitment to Diversity
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November 8, 2021Your Lack of Red Flags Is Stifling Me Creatively
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September 16, 2021The Founders Would Like to Remind You They’ve Been Dead for Nearly Two Hundred Years
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June 16, 2020An Open Letter to the College Roommate I’ve Barely Spoken to Since Freshman Year Who Keeps Referring to Me as His Black Friend
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August 15, 2024If Tim Walz Is America’s Dad, These Are America’s Other Family Members
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August 19, 2024Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing: Atrocities 1–1,056
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August 23, 2024We Have Updated Our Children’s Menu Options to Better Reflect What We See Your Children Doing in Our Restaurant
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August 30, 2024New School Year Drop-Off and Pick-Up Rules
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September 9, 2024A Math Exam, but Obviously Some Stuff Has Happened over the Summer in the Teacher’s Personal Life
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September 9, 2024Sorry Not Sorry: BTS, Ronda Rousey, and the Timing of Apologies
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September 9, 2024Things People Have Yelled Down to Me, a Person Trapped Alone at the Bottom of a Well
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September 6, 2024As a Feminist, I Believe a Woman Can Be Miserable Whether She Is Childless or Not