ILLUSTORIA MAGAZINE
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Articles by
Patrick Crooks
Patrick Crooks is a Brooklyn-based writer where, among other things, he instigates feuds with ’70s pop stars for the Hard Times, and occasionally does stand up despite his crippling anxiety. He is single and childless.
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January 13, 2022I Can’t Help but Notice That This is the Thirteenth Month in a Row I’ve Been Featured as HR’s Commitment to Diversity
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November 8, 2021Your Lack of Red Flags Is Stifling Me Creatively
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September 16, 2021The Founders Would Like to Remind You They’ve Been Dead for Nearly Two Hundred Years
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June 16, 2020An Open Letter to the College Roommate I’ve Barely Spoken to Since Freshman Year Who Keeps Referring to Me as His Black Friend
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July 15, 2024I Can’t Believe Such a Hateful, Violent Act Could Happen in the Hateful, Violent Era I’ve Created
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July 12, 2024Schedule of Speakers for the 2024 Republican National Convention
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July 16, 2024Hillbilly Elegy Edited for J. D. Vance’s Vice Presidential Campaign
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May 10, 2024What Your Favorite ’90s Band Says About the Kind of Bored Suburban Mom You Are Today
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July 26, 2024I’m a Childless Cat Lady, and If Trump and Vance Win I’m Going to Start a Sexual Relationship with My Couch
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July 26, 2024Skills You Need as President of the United States or Skills You Need as a Stepmom?
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July 26, 2024If They’d Told Me We Were Poor, I Wouldn’t Have Tolerated the Cynics
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July 26, 2024We Went Ahead and Made an AI Olympian