Daily humor
almost every day
since 1998.
almost every day
since 1998.
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Articles by
Valerie Nies
Valerie Nies is a comedian, writer, and breakfast lover living in Austin, Texas. She wants a dog but is too afraid of commitment.
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March 28, 2018Email Sign-Offs Employers Will Fire You For, Especially If You Happen to Be a Woman
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February 8, 2017Monologue: I, A White Female Trump Voter, Look Forward to the United States’ Impending War with Nordstrom
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July 14, 2016List: Categories I Divided My Belongings Into Using the KonMari Method
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January 15, 2016This Judy Blume Reading is Bound to Be Packed with Hot Virile Men
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April 22, 2015List: How to Throw Like a Girl
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July 11, 2018Abortion is Immoral, Except When It Comes to My Mistresses
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May 8, 2019Hello, I’ll Be Your Toddler Tour Guide for This Trip Out the Front Door
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May 20, 2019I Don’t Think a Woman is Electable In 2020 Because Last Time Around the Female Nominee Only Got Three Million More Votes Than Her Opponent
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May 13, 2019Yeah Sex Is Cool, But Have You Tried Being a Woman In Your 30s?
Recently
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May 23, 2019I Am Your Dread Lord Nyarlathotep, and You All Better Stop Scouring My Recently Recovered Grimoires for a Banishment Spell
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May 23, 2019List: Cost Saving Advantages of Perimenopause
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May 23, 2019
Excerpts from McSweeney’s Quarterly: I Want a Friend -
May 23, 2019The Thing I Need Most In My Life Right Now Is a Purpose-Driven Paper Towel Brand