Articles by
Valerie Nies
Valerie Nies is a comedian, writer, and breakfast lover living in Austin, Texas. She wants a dog but is too afraid of commitment.
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March 28, 2018Email Sign-Offs Employers Will Fire You For, Especially If You Happen to Be a Woman
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February 8, 2017Monologue: I, A White Female Trump Voter, Look Forward to the United States’ Impending War with Nordstrom
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July 14, 2016List: Categories I Divided My Belongings Into Using the KonMari Method
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January 15, 2016This Judy Blume Reading is Bound to Be Packed with Hot Virile Men
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April 22, 2015List: How to Throw Like a Girl
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June 6, 2018Open Letter: An Open Letter to White Women Concerning The Handmaid’s Tale and America’s Cultural Amnesia
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June 12, 2018Whole30 Changed My Entire Relationship With Food Because I’m Dead Now
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February 24, 2011List: What Your Favorite Classic Rock Band Says About You
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June 8, 2018List: What Your Musical Instrument Says About You