Daily humor
almost every day
since 1998.
almost every day
since 1998.
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Articles by
Valerie Nies
Valerie Nies is a comedian, writer, and breakfast lover living in Austin, Texas. She wants a dog but is too afraid of commitment.
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March 28, 2018Email Sign-Offs Employers Will Fire You For, Especially If You Happen to Be a Woman
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February 8, 2017Monologue: I, A White Female Trump Voter, Look Forward to the United States’ Impending War with Nordstrom
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July 14, 2016List: Categories I Divided My Belongings Into Using the KonMari Method
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January 15, 2016This Judy Blume Reading is Bound to Be Packed with Hot Virile Men
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April 22, 2015List: How to Throw Like a Girl
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August 12, 2019List: Critically Acclaimed Horror Film of the 2010s or Your Ph.D. Program?
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August 5, 2019God Has Heard Your Thoughts and Prayers and He Thinks They Are Fucking Bullshit
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August 9, 2019We Need a Wizard Who Can Appeal to the Moderate Orc Voter
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August 25, 2016I Would Rather Do Anything Else Than Write the Syllabus for Your Class
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August 19, 2019No Son of Mine Is Going to Be a Benthamite Utilitarian. This Is a John Stuart Mill Family, Dammit!
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August 19, 2019List: Dick Jokes for People Who Claim They Don’t Like Dick Jokes
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August 19, 2019Monologue: A Future Message From Generation X’s Reverse Mortgage Pitchman, Trent Reznor
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August 16, 2019Welcome to Medical School, Where We’ll Teach You Everything Except How to Talk to Patients