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Articles by
Valerie Nies
Valerie Nies is a comedian, writer, and breakfast lover living in Austin, Texas. She wants a dog but is too afraid of commitment.
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March 28, 2018Email Sign-Offs Employers Will Fire You For, Especially If You Happen to Be a Woman
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February 8, 2017I, A White Female Trump Voter, Look Forward to the United States’ Impending War with Nordstrom
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July 14, 2016Categories I Divided My Belongings Into Using the KonMari Method
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January 15, 2016This Judy Blume Reading is Bound to Be Packed with Hot Virile Men
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April 22, 2015How to Throw Like a Girl
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November 13, 2018If People Talked to Other Professionals the Way They Talk to Teachers
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May 13, 2022Ten Possibilities the Applebee’s Waitress Considers Before It Occurs to Her the Women in Booth Fourteen Might Be a Couple with Two Children
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May 2, 2022Welcome to the Middle-Aged Restaurant. Please Stop Complaining
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May 2, 2016I Would Rather Do Anything Else Than Grade Your Final Papers