Articles by
Valerie Nies
Valerie Nies is a comedian, writer, and breakfast lover living in Austin, Texas. She wants a dog but is too afraid of commitment.
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March 28, 2018Email Sign-Offs Employers Will Fire You For, Especially If You Happen to Be a Woman
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February 8, 2017Monologue: I, A White Female Trump Voter, Look Forward to the United States’ Impending War with Nordstrom
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July 14, 2016List: Categories I Divided My Belongings Into Using the KonMari Method
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January 15, 2016This Judy Blume Reading is Bound to Be Packed with Hot Virile Men
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April 22, 2015List: How to Throw Like a Girl
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August 8, 2018The Very Model of a Modern-Age Millennial
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November 12, 2015Maybe I Should Stop Bringing Up My Cat So Much When People Tell Me Stories About Their Kids
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August 2, 2018You Have Been Loading the Dishwasher Incorrectly Your Entire Life
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June 29, 2018List: 17 Real-Life Would-You-Rathers I, a Woman, Have Had to Ask Myself
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August 17, 2018Welcome to The Middle, an Enchanted Land Where Compromise and Civility Get Results
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August 16, 2018If Goodreads Users Reviewed Your Life the Way They Reviewed Your Book
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August 16, 2018How to Renew Your English Degree
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August 16, 2018List: Seen On a Telephone Pole In Your Neighborhood