ILLUSTORIA MAGAZINE
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How to Write Every Speech You’ll Ever Need to Give in Your Life
In this column, professional speechwriter Chandler Dean provides partly satirical, partly genuine “How To” advice focused on a hyper-specific subcategory of speeches—from graduation speeches to wedding toasts to eulogies, and all the rhetorical occasions in between.
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June 17, 2024How to Respectfully Decline an Invitation to a Social Obligation You Simply Do Not Feel Like Attending
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May 22, 2024How to Craft a Eulogy When All You Want to Do Is Crawl in a Hole
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May 1, 2024How to Do Really Really Well at Show-and-Tell
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April 16, 2024How to Roast Your Friend Just Enough That They’ll Want to Remain Your Friend
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March 29, 2024How to Concede an Election While Making It Clear That Your Ideas Are Objectively Better
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March 8, 2024How to Accept an Award Without Making Your Voters Regret It
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February 26, 2024How to Give a Wedding Toast Without Annoying Hundreds of Hungry Guests
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February 7, 2024How to Give a Toast to a Departing Coworker
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January 22, 2024How to Nail Your High School Graduation Speech Even If You’re Not That Popular
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September 11, 2024Maura Quint’s Presidential Debate Recaps: The One with the Tackle and the Bait
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August 19, 2024Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing: Atrocities 1–1,056
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September 9, 2024A Math Exam, but Obviously Some Stuff Has Happened over the Summer in the Teacher’s Personal Life
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August 30, 2024New School Year Drop-Off and Pick-Up Rules
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September 13, 2024A First-Year Teacher Learns to Use Adhesives from Her Mentor
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September 13, 2024Our Political Parties Have Totally Realigned
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September 12, 2024Voters Deserve an Explanation of Harris’s Flip-Flops, but Not One for Whatever Psychotic Thing Trump Is Saying
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September 12, 2024J. D. Vance Imagines a Day in the Life of a Pet-Eating Immigrant