It’s finally here. Our 680-page, three-pound humor anthology, KEEP SCROLLING TILL YOU FEEL SOMETHING: TWENTY-ONE YEARS OF HUMOR FROM McSWEENEY’S INTERNET TENDENCY is now available to order.

Transcripts of Callers Reporting Litter or Major Debris in a Major Western-Hemisphere Municipality

Matty Greenburg is an employee of a garbage-removal company in a major city on the East Coast. He answers calls from citizens when there is debris and litter on the streets. Below are a sampling of the thoughts of these callers.