Open Letters to People or Entities Who Are Unlikely to Respond
Send your nonfictional open letters to email@example.com.
An Open Letter to My Computer’s Insert Key.
BY Steven Burt
Dear Insert Key,
For the love of Mike, whose so-called innovative idea was your creation?
Insert key, you vex me. Many and long are the days that I’ve been scribbling away at my machine with little cause for editing as I type until you rear your ugly head. Your goodly aunt, fair Spellchecker, rarely steers me awry. I can rely on her to put forth a best effort. She’s my George Foreman: not the best to look at, nor the smartest, but deliciously helpful, whilst you’re my Gerry Cooney: lumbering, oafish, and a bit too hairy.
Whither your existence? Never can I recall actually pressing you intentionally. However, late at night when I’m revising documents and endeavoring to complete my next days’ tasks, you taunt me in a way that I can hardly put words to. I place my cursor on the page and add a few words, a space or two, or even an inserted graphic. Given the fast-paced nature of today’s society, I don’t always pay close attention to the screen. And lo, upon review, you’ve been selected!
The fiendish OVR button is highlighted at the bottom of my document! All my changes are for naught. Spacing is lost! Text is overwritten! Formats are jumbled! Why? Why? Why?
I rue the day you were spawned.
Wishing you all the best,
Forest Grove, OR
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