Albert Camus, Creative Writing Instructor
by David Galef (5/22/2013)

List: Captive Audience SEO
by Edward Fairchild and Jake Swearingen (5/22/2013)

Teddy Wayne’s Unpopular Proverbs: Coincidence
by Teddy Wayne (5/22/2013)

Scandal Befalls McGruff the Crime Dog
by Jory John (5/21/2013)

Going Where the Southern Cross the Dog: A Column About the Blues: Eddy and the Cutaways
by Jason Edward Harrington (5/21/2013)

List: How We Bring in Da Noise, Bring in Da Funk
by Julia McCloy (5/21/2013)

The Start-Up Ride Stops Here
by Janet Manley (5/20/2013)

Monologue: A Hypnotized Person Tries to Have Sex With a Chair
by Chris Okum (5/20/2013)

Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Until I found Buddhism, Sikhism seemed compelling—even magical. When golf anxiety started making intimacy unpleasant, Sikh filosophy [sic] kept John grounded. Sikhism’s awesome.”
by Kent Woodyard (5/20/2013)

Literary Couchsurfing References
by Jason Edward Harrington (5/17/2013)

Position Papers from the Apple Pie and Machine Guns Institute: Position Paper #13: Fuck Science
by Stuart Winchester (5/17/2013)

I Don’t See Race
by Christopher Mah (5/16/2013)

List: One-of-a-Kind Government Positions
by Jay Wexler (5/16/2013)

The President’s Challenge Adult Fitness Test Reconsiders Its Audience
by Pete Reynolds (5/15/2013)

Adventures in Atomic Tourism: They Wanted Me to Build Them a Bomb, So I Took Their Plutonium, Part II
by Anne Wheeler (5/15/2013)

List: Rejected Staff Suggestions for the Happy Hills Elementary School’s State Standards Test Cheer
by Chandler Dean (5/15/2013)

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern and Hall and Oates
by John Peck (5/14/2013)

Getting a Head: Touring the World as a Giant Dancing Bear: Shooting Star is Dead Inside
by Daniel Falk (5/14/2013)

Teddy Wayne’s Unpopular Proverbs: Temerity
by Teddy Wayne (5/14/2013)

I’d Like To Take a Moment to Talk About the Plight of Drone Veterans
by Luke Burns (5/13/2013)

Family Practice: An Occasional Column by “Dr.” Amy Fusselman: The Crosswalk, Plus, A Wormhole
by Amy Fusselman (5/13/2013)

List: Pop Art Pop Tarts
by Nathan Blanchard (5/13/2013)

The Johnsons Go Gatsby
by Amy Vansant (5/10/2013)

List: “This is His Coming Out Party”: Inadvertent Homoerotic Phrases Frequently Used by Hockey Commentators
by Lindsay Wiens (5/10/2013)

God’s Little Acre of Diamonds: Observations On Travel Ball in Cobb County, Georgia: Unhappy Families
by Stella A. (5/10/2013)

How to Host a Genre-Reveal Party
by Jessica Francis Kane (5/9/2013)

List: Discarded Lines from Robert Palmer’s 1988 Hit, “Simply Irresistible”
by Chris Clancy (5/9/2013)

Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Ruining America’s ‘national treasures’ feels somewhat bittersweet considering I’ve (obviously) never taken Freemasonry seriously. Booyah.”
by Kent Woodyard (5/9/2013)

A Message to Shareholders About Our New $70 Million Purchase of “Elevator Pass.”
by John Flowers (5/8/2013)

Abandoned Joke Lists from the Bob’s Burgers Writer’s Room: Chester the Molester’s Attempts to Revamp His Image
by The Writing Staff of Bob's Burgers (5/8/2013)