YOU’RE OVERDUE FOR A CLEANING! Jennifer at reception started having an affair with one of the dentists, and her husband will be storming into the office to confront them about it during your appointment.

YOU’RE OVERDUE FOR A CLEANING! Our new latex gloves are churro-flavored.

YOU’RE OVERDUE FOR A CLEANING! We are going to start publicly posting on our website when all of our patients’ last appointments were, so you can’t lie when your mom asks. HIPAA be damned.

YOU’RE OVERDUE FOR A CLEANING! The TV in our waiting room is playing Erin Brockovich.

YOU’RE OVERDUE FOR A CLEANING! I really shouldn’t be telling you this, but did you know that Jonathan Groff is one of our patients, too? Who knows, maybe you might bump into him here.

YOU’RE OVERDUE FOR A CLEANING! Your teeth look disgusting when you wear a white shirt. Everybody thinks so.

YOU’RE OVERDUE FOR A CLEANING! We promise we won’t annoy you about getting your wisdom teeth removed this time. And won’t even ask you how often you floss. That’s none of our business.

YOU’RE OVERDUE FOR A CLEANING! We’ll let you take a silly one on the X-ray.

YOU’RE OVERDUE FOR A CLEANING! One time, somebody put off their cleaning for an extra month, and all of their teeth fell out, and they died. I’m sure that won’t happen to you though… but you never know.

YOU’RE OVERDUE FOR A CLEANING! There’s a bounce house in the parking lot now.

YOU’RE OVERDUE FOR A CLEANING! Honestly, forget about posting it to our website. How about we call your mom directly and tell her when you last came in? We have her phone number since she’s your emergency contact. Guess that means you’re probably single, huh? Maybe you wouldn’t be if you had a better smile… just saying.

YOU’RE OVERDUE FOR A CLEANING! We taught the fish in the lobby’s aquarium how to do a loop-the-loop—you gotta come check this out.

YOU’RE OVERDUE FOR A CLEANING! Help! We’re trapped under something heavy and need you to come free us. We’re only able to reach our keyboard to send this one email, and the battery is about to die, so you’re our only hope.

YOU’RE OVERDUE FOR A CLEANING! In the mood to have a boob graze your ear? Come on down!