Lists

- - - -

Send your list submissions to lists@mcsweeneys.net.

- - - -
Crime Reports of Classic 1990s ComediesNew
by Rodney Uhler (2/11/2016)

A Taxonomy of NapsNew
by Sam Weiner (2/9/2016)

The Magic 8-Ball for MillennialsNew
by Heather Wheat (2/8/2016)

Nerf Guns for Writers
by Jennifer Howard (2/4/2016)

Arts and Crafts Projects Inspired By My Breakup With Suzanne
by Ethan Kempsell (2/3/2016)

Six Rules Gleaned From Many Grueling Years Attempting to Write What is Apparently Unpublishable Maximalist Fiction
by Claire Rudy Foster (2/2/2016)

1970s Hits Updated for the 21st Century
by Justin Warner (2/1/2016)

Physics Problems Written by a Professor Addicted to Tentacle Porn
by Michael Culshaw-Maurer (1/29/2016)

Updated Party Dress Codes
by Alison Leiby and Alyssa Wolff (1/28/2016)

Movies My Roommate Watches While I’m Trying to Sleep
by Rachel Goldschmid (1/26/2016)

Alternatives to Resting Bitch Face
by Susan Harlan (1/25/2016)

Teacher Evaluation Form Questions On How the Teacher Administered the Standard Teacher Evaluation Form
by James English (1/22/2016)

Reviews of Me From Things In My Apartment
by Sara K. Runnels (1/21/2016)

Nine Bras You Can Use As Kindling This Winter That Were Designed By Sadists
by Sarah Hutto (1/19/2016)

The Starman’s Dictionary
by Matt Izzi (1/18/2016)

What Everyone’s Reading Instead of Your 10-Year Peer-Reviewed Study on Bee Colony Collapse and the Near End of Human Existence
by Emily Schleiger (1/15/2016)

Classic Book Titles Adjusted for Winter
by Jarry Lee (1/14/2016)

Frequently Asked Questions from Customers Calling the Customer Support Department of the STD Test Website I Work For
by Sonia Denis (1/13/2016)

State of The Union Talking Points That Were Cut for Time
by Jonathan Richman (1/12/2016)

10 Making a Murderer References Cut From the Season Premiere of The Bachelor
by Peter Anzelone (1/11/2016)

Discussion Questions from The Children’s Library of Bitter Truth
by Mark Lockard (1/7/2016)

Character In a Martial Arts Film or Job Title At an Early Stage Tech Start-Up?
by Priya Patel (1/6/2016)

10 Objects Around Your House That Are Actually Just Tilda Swinton Getting Lost in a Role
by Travis Tack (1/5/2016)

Tips for Properly Inserting a USB Cable
by Jon Wolper (1/4/2016)

Nihilistic Password Security Questions
by Soheil Rezayazdi (12/30/2015)

What a Straight Man’s Favorite Musical Says About Him
by Mara Wilson (12/28/2015)

Playlist in Response to My Children’s Growing Christmas Lists
by Darcy McMurtery (12/23/2015)

An Adjunct’s Christmas List
by Jacob Aplaca (12/22/2015)

Song Titles By Drake That Depict One Day of Thesis Writing
by Beesan Sarrouh (12/21/2015)

Famous First Lines of Novels, Written in Increasingly-Convoluted Yoda Syntax by a Writer Lazily Trying to Cash in On Star Wars Mania
by Eric Schulmiller (12/18/2015)

Advanced Stats for Relationships
by François Vincent (12/17/2015)

Some Very Interesting Cats Perhaps You Weren’t Aware Of
by Doogie Horner (12/17/2015)

Unsuccessful Hashtag Campaigns for Lesser-Known Cheeses
by Thomas Brendler (12/16/2015)

Church of Christ Hymn or Sign of Codependency?
by Lydia Ship (12/15/2015)

No Good Bagels Here
by Marissa Maciel (12/14/2015)

Notable Folk Representations of Male Genitalia, a Reverse Chronology
by Craig Sweat (12/11/2015)

My Dog’s Social Media Explained
by Andy Simmons (12/9/2015)

Woman Facts
by Sandra Newman (12/8/2015)

Existence in 40 Complex Steps
by Joe Carmichael (12/7/2015)

How You Can Still Have Your Pudding If You Don’t Eat Your Meat
by Brian Agler (12/4/2015)

6 Things Successful People Do in the Morning
by Kendra Eash (12/3/2015)

PornHub Titles That Would Indicate a Fairer Gender Dynamic
by Kyle York (12/2/2015)

Talking Points for Meeting to Discuss Titles for the Next Now That’s What I Call Music! Album
by Jameson Doris (12/1/2015)

British Culinary Specialty or Twee Slang for STD Symptom​?​
by Elise S. Wien (11/30/2015)

Ways to Protect Your Data
by Ahmed Amer (11/24/2015)

The Evolution of “Netflix and Chill.”
by Elana Spivack (11/23/2015)

Traditional Wedding Anniversary Gifts from Memory
by Jez Burrows (11/19/2015)

Emasculating Car Models
by Mike Zuckerman (11/18/2015)

Teenage Slang: An Essential Guide for Anxious Parents
by Ralph Jones (11/13/2015)

Foolproof Ways to Get Your Toddler to Wear Socks
by Jeremy Blachman (11/12/2015)

Ways to Get Thrown Out of a Waldorf School Parent-Teacher Class
by Crystal Schachter (11/11/2015)

Other Vehicular Styles of Parenting
by Shannon Reed (11/10/2015)

Rejected Titles for Kids Say the Darndest Things
by Simon Pinkerton (11/9/2015)

A Review of Bob Dylan’s Massive New Box Set — The Complete Takes
by Ben Greenman (11/6/2015)

Email Subject Heading from the Democratic National Committee or Text from an Emotionally Immature Friend?
by Audrey Kaufman (11/5/2015)

How to Read a Classic Book
by Mara Beckman (11/4/2015)

Other Proverbs Regarding Jack
by Charlotte Lang (11/3/2015)

My NaNoWriMo Plan
by Jared Smith (11/2/2015)

1915’s Sluttiest Halloween Costumes
by Brooke Preston (10/30/2015)

Are You a Basic Witch?
by Chris Brotzman (10/30/2015)

Frightening Offspring of Various Grains
by Steve Krodman (10/28/2015)

Lesser-Known Hazing Games
by Jeremy Glass (10/27/2015)

Ten Questions to Ask After Your Interviewer Asks, “Any Questions?”
by Matt Larsen (10/26/2015)

The 36 Dramatic Situations of the Workplace
by Jim Miller (10/23/2015)

Six Words to Remove from Your Vocabulary to Be a Better Ally to Me
by Wayne Gladstone (10/21/2015)

First Lines of Great Novels That Describe My First Year Teaching Middle School Literature
by Rachel Rodgers (10/20/2015)

Diseases I Have According to WebMD
by Tiffany Appleton (10/19/2015)

The Writer Exits Dramatically
by Timothy Moore (10/16/2015)

Establishing Shots from a Screenplay Written by Frank Sinatra
by Maxwell Cohn (10/14/2015)

Six Simple Steps to a Happy Life
by Kristy Eldredge (10/12/2015)

Approximate Time and Cost Variables for Select Yacht Rock Song Characters
by Taylor Garcia (10/9/2015)

Reasons Why My Printer Never Works
by Ali Garfinkel (10/8/2015)

Modern American Words and Phrases, Election Edition
by Shane Hunt (10/7/2015)

Top 100 Baby Names as Selected by Registered Members of Metal Band Fan Site Cattledecapitation.net
by Lara Kierlin (10/6/2015)

State Mottos You Can Say During Sex
by Pete Lynch (10/5/2015)

21 Common Phrases that Shakespeare Invented
by Jon Plester (10/1/2015)

How to Compliment a Woman
by Mike Julianelle (9/30/2015)

Exclusive Planned Community or Adult Film Performer?
by Kate Washington (9/29/2015)

New Activities for Sisyphus
by James Greb (9/28/2015)

A Brief Collection of Luis Bunuel’s Vines
by Dale Shaw (9/25/2015)

Questions Not Asked During My MFA Thesis Defense
by Laura Maylene Walter (9/24/2015)

Things God Does When He Closes a Door
by Dan Neilan (9/22/2015)

Generic Birth Control Brand or My Super Sweet Sixteen Participant?
by Kyra Baldwin (9/21/2015)

Bus Stops in Hell
by Sara Faith Alterman (9/17/2015)

Radiohead Song or Accurate Description of My Parenting?
by Kimberly Harrington (9/16/2015)

Biblical Cross-Stitch Patterns from Kim Davis’s Etsy Account
by Jake Dawe (9/15/2015)

Strong Women in Literature
by Heidi Meurer (9/14/2015)

Things a Non-Football Fan Could Say While Watching a Game That Will Make True Fans Accept You as One of Their Own
by Toler Wolfe (9/10/2015)

Lesser-Known Presidential Pardons
by Akshay Bareja (9/8/2015)

College in Ohio or Knight of the Round Table?
by Sid Karger and Tom Coleman (9/4/2015)

Updated Children’s Book Classics for Millennials
by Justine Bui (9/3/2015)

Clickbait Headlines or Texts from My Mom?
by Broti Gupta (9/2/2015)

How to Hide from Your Friends at a Restaurant
by S.A. Murison (9/1/2015)

Best Beards of Modernity: Five Hairy Haikus
by Nathan Patton (8/31/2015)

Random Thoughts of Foodie Cookie Monster
by Devorah Blachor (8/28/2015)

Lean Cuisine Meals for the Newly Single
by Betsy Van Stone and Rich Monahan (8/26/2015)

Kanye West Lyrics and Their Meanings for Parents of Small Children
by Charles Buckner (8/24/2015)

The Price Is Right Game or Slayer Song?
by Gary M. Almeter (8/21/2015)

Existentialist Recipes I Have Tried
by Torrey Peters (8/20/2015)

32 Things I Learned from My Bike Ride Last Sunday
by Julie Price Pinkerton (8/19/2015)

McSweeney’s is a publishing company based in San Francisco.
As well as operating a daily humor website, we also publish Timothy McSweeney’s Quarterly Concern, the Believer, and an ever-growing selection of books under various imprints. You can buy all of these things from our online store. We’re also transitioning to a nonprofit and would greatly appreciate your help. You can support us today by making a donation.