Lists

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Send your list submissions to lists@mcsweeneys.net.

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Things About Bathrooms Actually Worth Getting Upset OverNew
by Annie Logue, Cynthia Smith McCollum and Stephany Aulenback (5/24/2016)

Drinking Games for Long-Term CouplesNew
by Katie Pecho (5/23/2016)

Executive Notes On TV Shows That Skewed “Too Male.”New
by Jennifer Wright (5/20/2016)

Things the World’s Most and Least Privileged People Say
by John-Clark Levin (5/19/2016)

Strange But True Laws From Across the United States
by Daniel Kibblesmith (5/18/2016)

10 Things Squirrels Say
by Emma Hill Kepron (5/17/2016)

Various Members of the Invention Family
by Akshay Bareja (5/16/2016)

Pixies Songs For Now That You’ve Settled Down
by Christian Hayden (5/13/2016)

Honest Airbnb Profiles
by Emma Bushnell (5/12/2016)

Mathematical Word Problems for Introverts
by Eric K. Auld (5/11/2016)

Increasingly Convoluted Think Piece Titles About Apologizing
by Colin Heasley (5/10/2016)

Common Stages of a Millennial’s First Year in New York City
by Liz Arcury (5/9/2016)

Activities Easier Than Helping My Mother Download Skype to Speak to Her Newborn Grandson
by Julia Regan Markiewicz (5/6/2016)

I’m Not Sure How to Weigh In On This, But I’m Going to Weigh In On This
by Janelle Blasdel (5/5/2016)

Breaking Beyond the 4th Wall
by Marco Kaye (5/4/2016)

Member Benefits of My Woman Card
by Darcy McMurtery (5/2/2016)

Showing Them How It Feels: A TA Evaluates His Students
by Andy Holt (4/29/2016)

Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Buzzfeed Article
by Mr. Dickson (4/28/2016)

A Southern Gothic Novelist’s Family Medical History Form
by Megan Castellan (4/27/2016)

The 12 Worst Conga Lines I Have Ever Started
by Dale Shaw (4/26/2016)

Notes for Groups Touring My Terrible Apartment
by Mairead Kelly (4/25/2016)

The ABCs of Passover
by Lauren Krueger and Matthew David Brozik (4/22/2016)

Topics to Be Discussed During This Year’s Seder, More or Less in the Order They’ll Occur
by Elissa Bassist (4/21/2016)

Here Are Some Men Who Sport Jerry Garcia Ties
by Adam Lisabeth (4/20/2016)

Netflix Categories for the Liberal, Brooklyn-Based, Self-Respecting, Socially Conscious Feminist
by Talene Monahon (4/19/2016)

Who’s Looking at Your LinkedIn Profile?
by Diana Tung (4/18/2016)

Titles of Bach Chorales, as Translated By My Niece After One Semester of German
by Nolan Bonvouloir (4/15/2016)

Your Cute Wedding Hashtags Twenty Years Later
by Kimberly Harrington (4/14/2016)

Questions for the Focus Group of My Latest Poem
by Jessie Gaynor (4/13/2016)

Tell Me Your Favorite Slow Jam, and I’ll Tell You What Beverage You’re Currently Crying Into
by Rachel Lyon (4/12/2016)

Sentences I Wrote While Trying to Write Like a Motherfucker
by Elisa Abatsis (4/11/2016)

Kama Sutra Position or Bennigan’s Menu Item?
by JP Levens (4/7/2016)

The Midwest, According to the New York Times
by Carrie Brooker (4/6/2016)

Sixteen Classic Poems That Will Change Your Life!
by Graham Barnhart and Paige Quinones (4/5/2016)

Five Excuses to Get Out of Reading a Friend’s Poetry
by Laura Merli (4/4/2016)

Rejected “XYZ vs MFA” Think Piece Pitches
by Jean Ho (4/1/2016)

“Liquor Before Beer?” The Ultimate Drinking Cheatsheet
by Sam Weiner (3/31/2016)

My Life Reimagined as R. L. Stine Titles
by Amanda Rosenberg (3/29/2016)

Job Email Subject Lines from a Poor College Graduate in a Dickens Novel
by Emma Stefansky (3/28/2016)

8 Moves You’ll Never Master in Bed, No Matter How Hard You Try
by Caren Lissner (3/25/2016)

Points of Conflict in Batman v Superman
by Melissa Albert and Molly Schoemann (3/24/2016)

Tips From Your Boss to Help You Overcome Job Discrimination
by Homa Mojtabai (3/23/2016)

Threats Whispered Into Our Drowsy Infant’s Ear
by Heather Allen and Scott Iverson (3/22/2016)

Random Accomplishments
by Catherine Prendergast (3/18/2016)

The Literary Fiction Drinking Game
by J.D. Evans (3/16/2016)

How to Respond When Someone Doesn’t Recognize Sarcasm
by Mike Julianelle (3/14/2016)

Laws of the Subway
by Greg Tannen (3/11/2016)

Questions I Would Have Preferred to Have Been Asked in My Thirties in Lieu of “Why Don’t You Want Kids?”
by Stephanie Abraham (3/10/2016)

The Women in the Sauna at the Y
by Carolyn Swiszcz (3/9/2016)

Things I Like to Reference to Establish That I’m Slightly Older Than Some of My Co-Workers
by Maggie Utgoff (3/8/2016)

Things to Do With Your English Degree
by Cody Ziler (3/7/2016)

Jokes I Tell Myself to Stave Off a Breakdown
by Katie Curnow (3/4/2016)

Discontinued Safe Words
by Melanie Minnie Lena Conroy-Goldman (3/3/2016)

Texts My Father Sent That Can Also Be Microfiction
by Meryl Cates (3/2/2016)

Let Me Translate My Emails for You
by Adriana Cloud (3/1/2016)

Modern Canterbury Tales
by John-Clark Levin (2/29/2016)

William Shakespeare’s Elevator Pitches
by Molly Booth (2/25/2016)

Reasons Your Child May Be Repeatedly Yelling “Mom!” from the Top of the Stairs
by Marika Seigel (2/24/2016)

Things My Electric Breast Pump Says to Me
by Sydney Bender (2/22/2016)

The Basic Types of Literary Conflict
by Jim Tatalias (2/19/2016)

Ted Cruz Presidential Campaign Promise or Fourth Grade Student Council Campaign Promise?
by Andrew Knott (2/18/2016)

Party Etiquette Tips for Urban Public School Teachers
by Kathy Silvey Hall (2/17/2016)

Maslow’s Updated Hierarchy of Needs: Lonely Guy Edition
by Akshay Bareja (2/16/2016)

Some (More) Things That are Worse Than Being Alone on Valentine’s Day
by Ali Garfinkel (2/12/2016)

Crime Reports of Classic 1990s Comedies
by Rodney Uhler (2/11/2016)

A Taxonomy of Naps
by Sam Weiner (2/9/2016)

The Magic 8-Ball for Millennials
by Heather Wheat (2/8/2016)

Nerf Guns for Writers
by Jennifer Howard (2/4/2016)

Arts and Crafts Projects Inspired By My Breakup With Suzanne
by Ethan Kempsell (2/3/2016)

Six Rules Gleaned From Many Grueling Years Attempting to Write What is Apparently Unpublishable Maximalist Fiction
by Claire Rudy Foster (2/2/2016)

1970s Hits Updated for the 21st Century
by Justin Warner (2/1/2016)

Physics Problems Written by a Professor Addicted to Tentacle Porn
by Michael Culshaw-Maurer (1/29/2016)

Updated Party Dress Codes
by Alison Leiby and Alyssa Wolff (1/28/2016)

Movies My Roommate Watches While I’m Trying to Sleep
by Rachel Goldschmid (1/26/2016)

Alternatives to Resting Bitch Face
by Susan Harlan (1/25/2016)

Teacher Evaluation Form Questions On How the Teacher Administered the Standard Teacher Evaluation Form
by James English (1/22/2016)

Reviews of Me From Things In My Apartment
by Sara K. Runnels (1/21/2016)

Nine Bras You Can Use As Kindling This Winter That Were Designed By Sadists
by Sarah Hutto (1/19/2016)

The Starman’s Dictionary
by Matt Izzi (1/18/2016)

What Everyone’s Reading Instead of Your 10-Year Peer-Reviewed Study on Bee Colony Collapse and the Near End of Human Existence
by Emily Schleiger (1/15/2016)

Classic Book Titles Adjusted for Winter
by Jarry Lee (1/14/2016)

Frequently Asked Questions from Customers Calling the Customer Support Department of the STD Test Website I Work For
by Sonia Denis (1/13/2016)

State of The Union Talking Points That Were Cut for Time
by Jonathan Richman (1/12/2016)

10 Making a Murderer References Cut From the Season Premiere of The Bachelor
by Peter Anzelone (1/11/2016)

Discussion Questions from The Children’s Library of Bitter Truth
by Mark Lockard (1/7/2016)

Character In a Martial Arts Film or Job Title At an Early Stage Tech Start-Up?
by Priya Patel (1/6/2016)

10 Objects Around Your House That Are Actually Just Tilda Swinton Getting Lost in a Role
by Travis Tack (1/5/2016)

Tips for Properly Inserting a USB Cable
by Jon Wolper (1/4/2016)

Nihilistic Password Security Questions
by Soheil Rezayazdi (12/30/2015)

What a Straight Man’s Favorite Musical Says About Him
by Mara Wilson (12/28/2015)

Playlist in Response to My Children’s Growing Christmas Lists
by Darcy McMurtery (12/23/2015)

An Adjunct’s Christmas List
by Jacob Aplaca (12/22/2015)

Song Titles By Drake That Depict One Day of Thesis Writing
by Beesan Sarrouh (12/21/2015)

Famous First Lines of Novels, Written in Increasingly-Convoluted Yoda Syntax by a Writer Lazily Trying to Cash in On Star Wars Mania
by Eric Schulmiller (12/18/2015)

Advanced Stats for Relationships
by François Vincent (12/17/2015)

Some Very Interesting Cats Perhaps You Weren’t Aware Of
by Doogie Horner (12/17/2015)

Unsuccessful Hashtag Campaigns for Lesser-Known Cheeses
by Thomas Brendler (12/16/2015)

Church of Christ Hymn or Sign of Codependency?
by Lydia Ship (12/15/2015)

No Good Bagels Here
by Marissa Maciel (12/14/2015)

Notable Folk Representations of Male Genitalia, a Reverse Chronology
by Craig Sweat (12/11/2015)

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