Lists

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Send your list submissions to lists@mcsweeneys.net.

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Famous Inspirational Quotes Take NapsNew
by Patricia Robinson (8/19/2014)

Shakespearian Insult or Animal On Display at Harvard’s Museum of Natural History?
by Elizabeth Bastos (8/13/2014)

Grammar Gossip
by Peter Kispert (8/12/2014)

Alternate Endings to “I Hope You Dance.”
by Elliot Harmon (8/8/2014)

Animal Epiphanies
by Alex McElroy (8/6/2014)

Bars Philosophy Professors Opened After Being Denied Tenure
by Jarry Lee (8/5/2014)

Actual Unicorn Related Articles Found in Peer-Reviewed Scientific Journals
by David Ng (7/30/2014)

Eminem Lyric or Line of Lesbian Poetry?
by Sascha Cohen (7/24/2014)

More Engaging Copy for the Ten Commandments
by David Tate (7/23/2014)

Erotica For Architects
by Allegra Hyde (7/21/2014)

Words to Make Your Poetry Legit
by Kenna O'Rourke (7/17/2014)

Take Your “Good Wishes” to the Next Level
by Gena Larson (7/15/2014)

Less Ambitious Couch-to-5K Alternatives
by Elisabeth Cohen (7/9/2014)

Other Reasons Bananarama Thinks That Summer is Cruel But Couldn’t Squeeze Into Their Song Regarding Same
by Gary M. Almeter (7/7/2014)

Summer Motivations Group Fitness Class Instructors Can Yell in Place of, “It’s Bikini Season!”
by Kate Hahn (7/3/2014)

Australian Subdistrict Rugby Haikus
by James Ross-Edwards (6/24/2014)

Discarded Descriptions of Women From My Contemporary Hard-Boiled Detective Novel
by Rachel Klein (6/19/2014)

My Five-Year College Reunion Mixtape
by Rachel Roderman (6/17/2014)

Honest Father’s Day Card Greetings
by Cetoria Tomberlin (6/13/2014)

Words of Comfort for an Only Child About to Get a New Sibling
by Rachel Friedman (6/10/2014)

Other Things Bullshit Considers Doing, Instead of Walking, While Money Talks
by Michael Rodman (6/2/2014)

Poetry Slams
by Michael Grosso (5/23/2014)

Crunch Fitness Class or Political Uprising?
by Laurel Cummings (5/22/2014)

Honest Email Fonts
by Allen Rein (5/20/2014)

Five Reasons Why We Won’t Be Attending Your Couples Writing Retreat
by Ali O'Reilly (5/16/2014)

Meta-Modern Headlines
by Ben Potrykus (5/15/2014)

Extraordinarily Low-Rated Morning Zoo DJ Teams
by Mike Zuckerman (5/13/2014)

An Academic Curriculum for My Mother Based On Her Primary Topic of Conversation
by Todd Rovak (5/9/2014)

Respectful Yo Mama Jokes
by Lucas Klauss (5/9/2014)

Hemingway or My Mother’s Email?
by Jen Girdish (5/9/2014)

Corporate Time Equivalents
by Marco Kaye (5/8/2014)

Honest Résumé Objectives
by Lauren Kirby (5/6/2014)

Feminist Humblebrags
by Lindsey Finn (5/1/2014)

Hot Singles are In Your Area!
by Jack Urwin (4/24/2014)

Other Individuals Who Were at the Copacabana the Night That Rico Shot Tony (or Vice Versa), But Whose Presence Was Apparently Not Significant Enough to Warrant Inclusion in Barry Manilow’s Song
by Gary M. Almeter (4/16/2014)

The LinkedIn Endorsement Prompts Are Getting Interesting
by Jim Stallard (4/8/2014)

You Know You Are a Perfectionist When…
by Hannah Kiefer (4/2/2014)

Deleted Scenes From The Mary Tyler Moore Show’s Opening Sequence
by Andrea Laurion (3/20/2014)

Short Story Prompts from a Man Who Needs $5000 by Tomorrow
by Zack Wortman (3/18/2014)

Captions for Models in Knitting Catalogs
by Olivia Ciacci (3/11/2014)

The University’s Pre-Spring Break Lecture Series
by Paul Gaszak (3/7/2014)

Do You Need Pharmaceutical Assistance?
by Lemony Snicket and Lisa Brown (3/3/2014)

Almost-Adult Singles’ Grocery Lists
by Melissa Witcombe (2/26/2014)

Standard Household Measures
by John Sherman (2/19/2014)

Alternate, and Ultimately Rejected, Titles Suggested by Pat Benatar’s Record Company for Her Opus, “Love is a Battlefield” in Reverse Order of Rejection
by Gary M. Almeter (2/14/2014)

The New York Post Covers the Trial of Socrates
by Conor James McKeon (2/13/2014)

Please Choose From the Following Eight Options
by Kristy Eldredge (2/12/2014)

The Sochi Tourism Board Presents: Tips and Tricks For Olympic Athletes and Fans
by Jeff Drake and Wendy Molyneux (2/7/2014)

Things That Would Look Good on Your Résumé
by Eleni Deacon (2/5/2014)

Other Subject Headings in the Susan Sontag Archive
by Ed Park (2/3/2014)

New Social Media Metrics
by Mike Ramberg (1/30/2014)

Nuclear Power Plant Idioms
by Dan Rozier (1/27/2014)

Parenting Tips I Learned from Law & Order: SVU
by Beth Levine and Liz Dancho (1/14/2014)

Remarks I’ve Heard Myself Make While Teaching Power Yoga Classes
by Catherine Browning (1/9/2014)

Benjamin Moore “First Apartment” Paint Chip Collection
by Molly Taft (1/7/2014)

New Year’s Resolutions
by Greg Wayne and Teddy Wayne (12/31/2013)

Flora and Their Corresponding Holiday Ritual Call to Action if Encountered
by Nate Dern (12/20/2013)

Lesser-Known Virtual Currencies
by Annie Wyman (12/17/2013)

Things Not to Bring to a Gunfight
by Darci Ratliff and Ian Carey (12/5/2013)

Bad Reasons to Start Writing Poetry
by Paul Gaszak (12/3/2013)

Popular Guilt Trip Destinations
by Dan Rozier (11/22/2013)

Film Noir Titles or Regrettable Lower-Back Tattoos?
by Amanda Marbais (11/20/2013)

Modern $25,000 Pyramid Answers
by Mike Zuckerman (11/14/2013)

New Balance Men’s Walking Shoe or the Year a Pope Died?
by Blair Munhofen (11/11/2013)

Honest LinkedIn Updates
by David Henne (11/6/2013)

Last Straws
by Steve Damm (10/30/2013)

Pessimistic Hair Band Anthems
by Carmen Petaccio (10/28/2013)

Place in the UK or High-Minded British Insult?
by Andrea Duty (10/23/2013)

Your Friend Made a Dubstep Album for Toddlers. How to Sound Genuine When He Plays It for You
by Nicholas Miriello (10/7/2013)

The Heart is a Lonely Hunter
by Kristen Martin and Maureen Devenny (10/3/2013)

The Ultimate Small Plates Tasting Menu
by Kate Hahn (9/30/2013)

I Don’t Know About You, But This is What I’d Do If I Were 22
by Meg Thompson (9/26/2013)

Martha Stewart Paint Color or Macklemore Song?
by Sid Karger (9/20/2013)

Music Blogs
by Virgil Texas (9/18/2013)

Lyrics from a Talking Heads Song That Reminded Me of Election Night, 2008, Plus One Line I Was Reminded of More Recently
by Alex Eichler (9/11/2013)

Sources of Renewable Energy Currently Being Squandered While Awaiting Efficient Conversion Technology, Ranked by Increasing Potential
by A.C. DeLashmutt (9/4/2013)

The Canon of Frat Boy Philosophy
by Lincoln Michel (8/30/2013)

Things I Learned From Pasting My Novel Into an Online Word Count Tool
by Paolo Chianta (8/29/2013)

Shameful Plugs
by Curtis Weyant (8/21/2013)

Phrases Used to Market Bic for Her Pens or Tampax Pearl Tampons?
by Elizabeth Preston (8/19/2013)

Non-Self-Aggrandizing Author Bios
by Richard Parks (8/16/2013)

What to Expect When You’re Expecting Cthulhu
by Mari Ness (8/14/2013)

Reasons Women Aren’t Funny
by Jilly Gagnon (8/5/2013)

Alternatives to Platonic Love
by Dan Smolinsky (8/1/2013)

Study Questions Sent by My English Teacher On an E-Mail from His Wife, While They Were Going Through a Divorce
by James Slaymaker (7/25/2013)

Declarative Doobie Brothers’ Lyric or Instructional Line from a First Draft of a 1950s Hygiene Manual Written By an Angry Person Who Got Fired?
by Jeff Johnson (7/18/2013)

Places We’ll Wind Up Going This Summer Vacation
by Lora Shinn (7/3/2013)

’80s Movies if America Had Lost the Cold War
by Gemma Clarke (7/1/2013)

God’s To-Do List, Week Two
by Bob Woodiwiss (6/25/2013)

Revised Acronyms for a Changing World
by Chris Miller (6/21/2013)

Items from the New York Times’ “Meh List” or One of the Many Things I See in Front of Me Right Now?
by B.R. Cohen (6/17/2013)

Fly Fishing Fly or Cosmo-Approved Sex Position?
by Kelly Slivka (6/13/2013)

Similes of the Painfully Erudite
by WC Clowney (6/10/2013)

10 Life Lessons You Can Teach Your Child by Stacking the Deck in Candyland
by Eric Stoveken (6/6/2013)

Phrases I May or May Not Have Used in an Attempt to Teach High School English
by Olivia Ciacci (6/4/2013)

Old People’s Internet Providers
by Adam Lichtenstein (5/30/2013)

Skills I Can Offer Your Post-Apocalyptic, Nomadic Street Gang
by Jonathan Stokes (5/28/2013)

Ways to Tell If the New Student is an Undercover Cop
by Nathan Patton (5/23/2013)

Captive Audience SEO
by Edward Fairchild and Jake Swearingen (5/22/2013)

How We Bring in Da Noise, Bring in Da Funk
by Julia McCloy (5/21/2013)

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