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Approximate Time and Cost Variables for Select Yacht Rock Song CharactersNew
by Taylor Garcia (10/9/2015)

Reasons Why My Printer Never WorksNew
by Ali Garfinkel (10/8/2015)

Modern American Words and Phrases, Election EditionNew
by Shane Hunt (10/7/2015)

Top 100 Baby Names as Selected by Registered Members of Metal Band Fan Site Cattledecapitation.netNew
by Lara Kierlin (10/6/2015)

State Mottos You Can Say During SexNew
by Pete Lynch (10/5/2015)

Nihilistic Password Security Questions
by Soheil Rezayazdi (10/2/2015)

21 Common Phrases that Shakespeare Invented
by Jon Plester (10/1/2015)

How to Compliment a Woman
by Mike Julianelle (9/30/2015)

Exclusive Planned Community or Adult Film Performer?
by Kate Washington (9/29/2015)

New Activities for Sisyphus
by James Greb (9/28/2015)

A Brief Collection of Luis Bunuel’s Vines
by Dale Shaw (9/25/2015)

Questions Not Asked During My MFA Thesis Defense
by Laura Maylene Walter (9/24/2015)

Things God Does When He Closes a Door
by Dan Neilan (9/22/2015)

Generic Birth Control Brand or My Super Sweet Sixteen Participant?
by Kyra Baldwin (9/21/2015)

Bus Stops in Hell
by Sara Faith Alterman (9/17/2015)

Radiohead Song or Accurate Description of My Parenting?
by Kimberly Harrington (9/16/2015)

Biblical Cross-Stitch Patterns from Kim Davis’s Etsy Account
by Jake Dawe (9/15/2015)

Strong Women in Literature
by Heidi Meurer (9/14/2015)

Things a Non-Football Fan Could Say While Watching a Game That Will Make True Fans Accept You as One of Their Own
by Toler Wolfe (9/10/2015)

Lesser-Known Presidential Pardons
by Akshay Bareja (9/8/2015)

College in Ohio or Knight of the Round Table?
by Sid Karger and Tom Coleman (9/4/2015)

Updated Children’s Book Classics for Millennials
by Justine Bui (9/3/2015)

Clickbait Headlines or Texts from My Mom?
by Broti Gupta (9/2/2015)

How to Hide from Your Friends at a Restaurant
by S.A. Murison (9/1/2015)

Best Beards of Modernity: Five Hairy Haikus
by Nathan Patton (8/31/2015)

Random Thoughts of Foodie Cookie Monster
by Devorah Blachor (8/28/2015)

Lean Cuisine Meals for the Newly Single
by Betsy Van Stone and Rich Monahan (8/26/2015)

Kanye West Lyrics and Their Meanings for Parents of Small Children
by David Brusie (8/24/2015)

The Price Is Right Game or Slayer Song?
by Gary M. Almeter (8/21/2015)

Existentialist Recipes I Have Tried
by Torrey Peters (8/20/2015)

32 Things I Learned from My Bike Ride Last Sunday
by Julie Price Pinkerton (8/19/2015)

Dante and Virgil Go Grocery Shopping
by Catherine Campbell (8/17/2015)

Politicians Whose Spray Tans Land On the Pantone Orange Color Chart
by Olga Lexell (8/14/2015)

Responses From the Menstruating Public to the FDA’s Announcement Urging Reduced Anti-Inflammatory Consumption
by Leslie Maslow (8/13/2015)

Phrases We Never Got to Hear Johnny Carson Say
by Joe McAdam and Josh Androsky (8/12/2015)

Items Claimed Through an Expense Account for a Philosopher of Some Distinction
by Ruth Jackson (8/10/2015)

Sex Tips So Hot We Couldn’t Publish Them, Also We Couldn’t Figure Out What They Meant
by Louis Wittig (8/6/2015)

Make Your Involuntary Celibacy Fun and Flirty
by Emma Wren (8/5/2015)

Trial Shift Questionnaire for New Employees of a Natural Food Store
by Chris Jordan (8/4/2015)

Meta Grocery List
by Chris Vander Kaay and Kathleen Fernandez-Vander Kaay (7/31/2015)

25 Words Your Kindergartner Must Know Before First Grade
by David Tate (7/30/2015)

Strain of Marijuana or Shade of Covergirl Outlast Stay Brilliant Nail Glosstini?
by Chloe Kent (7/29/2015)

What My Boss Is Jamaican Me Feel Besides Crazy
by Jess Zeidman (7/28/2015)

Attainable Goals for the Modern American In Lieu of Trying to “Be the Change You Wish to See in the World.”
by Rachel Klein (7/27/2015)

Workplace Features of a Super-Fun Tech Start-Up, and Also Pee-wee’s Playhouse
by Joyce Millman (7/24/2015)

How to Win at Childbirth Class
by Carla E. Bruce-Eddings (7/22/2015)

Five Works of Feminist Literature That Make Great Kindling for His Barbecue
by Toria Sheffield (7/20/2015)

Philosophies, Confessions, and Suggested Living Areas of Graphic Tees On Sale at Urban Outfitters
by Clare Welsh (7/17/2015)

Five Signs Your Girlfriend’s Not That Into You and Has Been Stealing Your Bone Marrow
by Benjamin Rudeen (7/16/2015)

Other Bods
by Sara Boboltz (7/15/2015)

Advanced Drinking Aphorisms
by Jonathon Schaff (7/14/2015)

More Honest Tanning Bed Dial Settings
by Mollie Swayne (7/13/2015)

Netflix Synopses for the Unaired Reboot of Murder, She Wrote.
by A. Wolfe (7/9/2015)

New Affirmations
by Alan Hanson (7/7/2015)

How We Celebrate The Fourth of July
by Randal Wetzel (7/2/2015)

21 Days to a Dadbod
by David Tate (6/30/2015)

17 Easy Ways to Get a Better Butt
by Alison Leiby and Alyssa Wolff (6/24/2015)

Dear God! What Have You Done to That Swiss Chard?!
by Abbie Amadio (6/23/2015)

Five Works of Feminist Literature That Make Great Diet Food
by Toria Sheffield (6/22/2015)

Easy Ways for Asian-Americans to Fit In
by Karen Chee (6/18/2015)

Things a Man Must NEVER Do Before the Age of 30!
by Mike Sacks and Ted Travelstead (6/17/2015)

How We’re Starting the Marriage Chapter of Our Memoirs
by Heidi Meurer (6/16/2015)

Questions From Emotional Tech Support
by Luke Strickler (6/15/2015)

Questions It’s Totally Okay to Not Have Answered in Your Twenties
by Catherine LeClair (6/12/2015)

What Commercials Have Taught Me About Laundry
by Adriana Cloud (6/11/2015)

Ski Term, Loud Sex Act Heard Through Very Thin Hotel Wall, or Guided By Voices Song?
by Kerreanna DiMauro (6/10/2015)

What Else the “Half Your Age Plus Seven” Rule Applies To
by Chris Weis (6/9/2015)

Winning Quilt Block Patterns at the 2015 Ballz-Out Quilter’s Society’s Annual Symposium
by Gary M. Almeter (6/8/2015)

Measures We’re Taking to Offset the Patriarchal Footprint of Our Wedding
by Hannah Ballou (6/5/2015)

Tips for Female Presidential Hopefuls
by Jenna Barnett (6/4/2015)

Privilege-Checking Preambles of Varying Degrees of Singularity
by George Morony (6/3/2015)

Ways Teachers Avoid Saying “No.”
by Eric Nebbia (6/1/2015)

Sufjan Stevens Song or Quote From the National UFO Reporting Center?
by Mandala Laura (5/28/2015)

Classic Wisdom for Your Early 20s
by Jewel Galbraith (5/27/2015)

Your Ex-Boyfriend Tim Won a Sweet Prize at Dave & Buster’s Because You Lurked His Most Recent Ex’s Pinterest and Six Other Ways You Are Positively Impacting Tim’s Life with Your Self-Destructive Social Media Habits
by Larissa Zageris (5/26/2015)

Batting Heckles Uttered by the Dad On My Son’s Little League Team Who is a Meteorology Professor and Whose Research Interests Include Cloud-Based Analytics for Spatio-Temporal Data With a Primary Focus On Climate, Hydrological and Ecological Sciences
by Gary M. Almeter (5/22/2015)

Bechdel Test-Inspired Rules for Other Cartoonists
by Shannon Reed (5/21/2015)

I Know You Are But What Am I: Political Edition
by Kimberly Harrington (5/19/2015)

Singles Mixers in Your Area
by Kim Thompson (5/15/2015)

Netflix Recommendations for Your Next Genre of Boyfriend
by Jessie Gaynor (5/13/2015)

Excerpts from Forthcoming Kama Sutra Guide Titles
by Christopher James (5/12/2015)

Alternative Health Establishments That Should Be Opened by Characters from Bruce Springsteen Songs
by Liza Behles (5/11/2015)

Honest Mother’s Day Cards
by Cetoria Tomberlin (5/8/2015)

50 Ways to Leave Your Mother
by Jimmy Chen (5/8/2015)

What Your Social Media Status Updates Reveal About Your Marriage
by Darren Cahr (5/7/2015)

The Modern Gangs of New York
by Nick Kolakowski (5/6/2015)

The 20th Century’s Greatest Works of Content, Ranked By Reach and Cross Platform Shareability
by Megan Maile Green (5/5/2015)

Crowdfunding Pages of Famous Musical Theater Characters
by Tyler Gillespie (5/4/2015)

MORE Things a Man MUST Do Before the Age of 30!
by Mike Sacks and Ted Travelstead (4/30/2015)

Text Messages for Which My Emoji List is (Still) Not Sufficient
by Emily Schuck (4/29/2015)

What Your favorite ‘90s Fashion and Beauty Trend Says About You
by Jennifer Burns (4/28/2015)

Emotions My Emotional Support Dog Supports
by Caitlin Kunkel (4/23/2015)

How to Throw Like a Girl
by Valerie Nies (4/22/2015)

How to Beat the Cast of Dynasty in the Drinking Game “Never Have I Ever.”
by Amy Canavan and Sarah Schneeberger (4/20/2015)

Postmodern Zen Koans
by Elisa Abatsis (4/15/2015)

Writers’ Workshop Critiques as Applied to Your Sex Life
by Nicole Boyce (4/13/2015)

Subtle Things 2016 GOP Presidential Candidates Can And Should Do Right Now to More Thoroughly and Most Convincingly Evoke the Reagan Years
by Gary M. Almeter (4/10/2015)

Vegetable Gardening Tips, A-Z
by Carol Kolb (4/9/2015)

New Age Nondescript Markers of Status
by Caitlin Kelley (4/8/2015)

ADMIT; BUT; NOR: Dating Edition
by Scott Farrar (4/7/2015)

McSweeney’s is a publishing company based in San Francisco.
As well as operating a daily humor website, we also publish Timothy McSweeney’s Quarterly Concern, the Believer, and an ever-growing selection of books under various imprints. You can buy all of these things from our online store. We’re also transitioning to a nonprofit and would greatly appreciate your help. You can support us today by making a donation.