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I Like My Men Like I Like My…New
by Sara K. Runnels (1/28/2015)

Things I’m “All About” Now That I’ve Turned 47New
by Mike Zuckerman (1/27/2015)

Advertising and Web Design Collective NounsNew
by Nate Davis and Paul Baker (1/26/2015)

Your Coworker Dave’s Recent Contributions, Ranked by Effectiveness
by Grant Pardee (1/22/2015)

Opposite Opening Lines to Famous Novels
by David Allen (1/21/2015)

Normcore Norton Anthologies
by Joanna Pearson (1/20/2015)

The Most Boring Clue Results Ever
by Kate Hahn (1/19/2015)

New Pay-Per-View Channels
by Jessy Randall (1/15/2015)

Essential Books to Impress Anyone Who Finds Your Lost Kindle
by Paul Lander (1/14/2015)

Differences Between the Ages 34, 24, and 14
by Jean Ho (1/13/2015)

27 Reasons Why I Can Never Be a Writer
by Michelle Webster-Hein (1/7/2015)

Selections from the Files of a Shuttered Community Hospital or Copy from a Farm-to-Table Restaurant Menu?
by Leslie Maslow (1/6/2015)

My New Year’s Internet Resolutions
by Anjali Enjeti (12/31/2014)

Lesser-Known Ghosts of Christmas
by J.T. Robertson (12/23/2014)

The Do’s and Don’ts of Falling in Love
by Dustin Mark (12/18/2014)

Three Site Specific Installations, Two and a Half Years Post BFA
by Claire Hamilton (12/17/2014)

Best, Worst, or Only: Hanukkah Film Edition
by B.R. Cohen (12/16/2014)

Other Things, In Addition to Love, Air Supply’s Muse Can Make Out of Basically Nothing at All
by Gary M. Almeter (12/11/2014)

Thoroughly Modern Milton
by Walter Carson (12/9/2014)

Three Things Only People Who Can’t Understand Anything Will Understand
by Teddy Wayne (12/8/2014)

The Liberal Arts Thesis Subtitle Generator
by Kyle York (12/4/2014)

Ten Things to NEVER Say to a Stay-at-Home Viking
by Sarah Schmelling (12/3/2014)

The Entirety of My Thoughts as I Eat My Son’s Mac and Cheese Dinner
by Maura Quint (12/2/2014)

Rare Product Instructions
by Don Ward (12/1/2014)

“Must-Haves” for the Holiday SeasonUpdated
by Aubrey Cloutier (11/28/2014)

Sylvia Plath’s Holiday Cooking Tips
by Arabella Anderson (11/26/2014)

Pardoned Turkeys: Where Are They Now?Updated
by Tom O'Donnell (11/26/2014)

Honest Thanksgiving Cards
by Cetoria Tomberlin (11/25/2014)

Preliminary Report on the Working Group for the Study of Secret Menu Items
by Eric Williams (11/20/2014)

Jaden Smith, Willow Smith, or William Blake?
by Walter Carson (11/19/2014)

Persons Who Reached the Limits of Their Human Potential Five Minutes Ago
by Kevin Lee (11/18/2014)

AMAs Bookmarked By Single 30-Somethings Who are Fine, Guys, They’re Fine
by Kate Solomon (11/17/2014)

What I Learned at Finishing School
by Marlene Thompson (11/13/2014)

Comments from the Carpenters’ Fall Workshop
by Andrew Bales (11/12/2014)

Purchases I Plan to Make Using Sales from My New Poetry Collection
by Lisa Mangini (11/7/2014)

A Sneak Preview of the 2015 Dads in Recliners Calendar
by Grant Pardee (11/3/2014)

Things a Real Estate Agent Shouldn’t Say When Trying to Sell a House That Was Once at the Center of a Popular Horror Movie
by Kerreanna DiMauro (10/31/2014)

Other Seasonal Drinks
by Alison Leiby and Alyssa Wolff (10/30/2014)

Lesser-Known Guardian Angels
by Elise Hunter (10/27/2014)

Vanity Plates the Unidentified Subject of Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain” Should Consider Getting For His Next Car
by Gary M. Almeter (10/23/2014)

New Baseball Statistics
by Ezra Deutsch-Feldman (10/22/2014)

Things That Needed One More Iteration Before They Were Ready to Go to Market
by Norman Birnbach (10/20/2014)

The Wisdom of a Cool Substitute High School Teacher
by Gunnar Wray (10/15/2014)

Bond Villain or Bard Student?
by Molly Anders (10/14/2014)

Columbus Discovers the Weight Room
by David Henne (10/13/2014)

Home-Brewed Beers Customers Have Brought Into My Shop Renamed By Actual Taste and Appearance
by David Roberts (10/9/2014)

Reasonable Responses to Sexually Suggestive
Song Lyrics

by Stephen Stenholt (10/7/2014)

Boat Parts or Names of Unvaccinated Children?
by Grant Pardee (10/6/2014)

Expanded Explanations to Have On Hand to Convince Others Your Purebred Labrador Retriever is Really a Rescue
by Carolyn Mason (10/2/2014)

Here Are Some Fucking Barefoot Contessa Cookbook Titles
by Micah Osler (9/30/2014)

Fitbit Results Throughout History
by Keith Wisniewski (9/24/2014)

Differences Between Me, Teddy Wayne, and Bruce Wayne/John Wayne
by Teddy Wayne (9/22/2014)

Rejected Spaghetti Western Movie Titles
by Nancy Stohlman (9/19/2014)

Other Things Sheena Easton’s Baby Takes in Addition to the Morning Train
by Gary M. Almeter (9/15/2014)

Online Reviews of My Phenomenal Work as a Babysitter
by Ike Flitcraft (9/10/2014)

The Canon of Philosophy Student Karaoke Songs
by Jarry Lee (9/5/2014)

More Accurate Titles of Movies Released This Fall
by Scott Rothman (9/2/2014)

Cartoon Character Revelations Inspired by the News that Hello Kitty is NOT a Cat
by Dorothy Bendel (8/29/2014)

Taylor Swift Song or Positive Integer?
by Jamie Carmody (8/28/2014)

The Adult Kickball League Hall of Fame
by Spencer Ham (8/21/2014)

Famous Inspirational Quotes Take Naps
by Patricia Robinson (8/19/2014)

Shakespearian Insult or Animal On Display at Harvard’s Museum of Natural History?
by Elizabeth Bastos (8/13/2014)

Grammar Gossip
by Peter Kispert (8/12/2014)

Alternate Endings to “I Hope You Dance.”
by Elliot Harmon (8/8/2014)

Animal Epiphanies
by Alex McElroy (8/6/2014)

Bars Philosophy Professors Opened After Being Denied Tenure
by Jarry Lee (8/5/2014)

Actual Unicorn Related Articles Found in Peer-Reviewed Scientific Journals
by David Ng (7/30/2014)

Eminem Lyric or Line of Lesbian Poetry?
by Sascha Cohen (7/24/2014)

More Engaging Copy for the Ten Commandments
by David Tate (7/23/2014)

Erotica For Architects
by Allegra Hyde (7/21/2014)

Words to Make Your Poetry Legit
by Kenna O'Rourke (7/17/2014)

Take Your “Good Wishes” to the Next Level
by Gena Larson (7/15/2014)

Less Ambitious Couch-to-5K Alternatives
by Elisabeth Cohen (7/9/2014)

Other Reasons Bananarama Thinks That Summer is Cruel But Couldn’t Squeeze Into Their Song Regarding Same
by Gary M. Almeter (7/7/2014)

Summer Motivations Group Fitness Class Instructors Can Yell in Place of, “It’s Bikini Season!”
by Kate Hahn (7/3/2014)

Australian Subdistrict Rugby Haikus
by James Ross-Edwards (6/24/2014)

Discarded Descriptions of Women From My Contemporary Hard-Boiled Detective Novel
by Rachel Klein (6/19/2014)

My Five-Year College Reunion Mixtape
by Rachel Roderman (6/17/2014)

Honest Father’s Day Card Greetings
by Cetoria Tomberlin (6/13/2014)

Words of Comfort for an Only Child About to Get a New Sibling
by Rachel Friedman (6/10/2014)

Other Things Bullshit Considers Doing, Instead of Walking, While Money Talks
by Michael Rodman (6/2/2014)

Poetry Slams
by Michael Grosso (5/23/2014)

Crunch Fitness Class or Political Uprising?
by Laurel Cummings (5/22/2014)

Honest Email Fonts
by Allen Rein (5/20/2014)

Five Reasons Why We Won’t Be Attending Your Couples Writing Retreat
by Ali O'Reilly (5/16/2014)

Meta-Modern Headlines
by Ben Potrykus (5/15/2014)

Extraordinarily Low-Rated Morning Zoo DJ Teams
by Mike Zuckerman (5/13/2014)

An Academic Curriculum for My Mother Based On Her Primary Topic of Conversation
by Todd Rovak (5/9/2014)

Respectful Yo Mama Jokes
by Lucas Klauss (5/9/2014)

Hemingway or My Mother’s Email?
by Jen Girdish (5/9/2014)

Corporate Time Equivalents
by Marco Kaye (5/8/2014)

Honest Résumé Objectives
by Lauren Kirby (5/6/2014)

Feminist Humblebrags
by Lindsey Finn (5/1/2014)

Hot Singles are In Your Area!
by Jack Urwin (4/24/2014)

Other Individuals Who Were at the Copacabana the Night That Rico Shot Tony (or Vice Versa), But Whose Presence Was Apparently Not Significant Enough to Warrant Inclusion in Barry Manilow’s Song
by Gary M. Almeter (4/16/2014)

The LinkedIn Endorsement Prompts Are Getting Interesting
by Jim Stallard (4/8/2014)

You Know You Are a Perfectionist When…
by Hannah Kiefer (4/2/2014)

Deleted Scenes From The Mary Tyler Moore Show’s Opening Sequence
by Andrea Laurion (3/20/2014)

Short Story Prompts from a Man Who Needs $5000 by Tomorrow
by Zack Wortman (3/18/2014)

Captions for Models in Knitting Catalogs
by Olivia Ciacci (3/11/2014)

McSweeney’s is a publishing company based in San Francisco.
As well as operating a daily humor website, we also publish Timothy McSweeney’s Quarterly Concern, the Believer, and an ever-growing selection of books under various imprints. You can buy all of these things from our online store. We’re also transitioning to a nonprofit and would greatly appreciate your help. Click the button to donate. Thank you!