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Other Individuals Who Were at the Copacabana the Night That Rico Shot Tony (or Vice Versa), But Whose Presence Was Apparently Not Significant Enough to Warrant Inclusion in Barry Manilow’s SongNew
by Gary M. Almeter (4/16/2014)

The LinkedIn Endorsement Prompts Are Getting Interesting
by Jim Stallard (4/8/2014)

You Know You Are a Perfectionist When…
by Hannah Kiefer (4/2/2014)

Deleted Scenes From The Mary Tyler Moore Show’s Opening Sequence
by Andrea Laurion (3/20/2014)

Short Story Prompts from a Man Who Needs $5000 by Tomorrow
by Zack Wortman (3/18/2014)

Captions for Models in Knitting Catalogs
by Olivia Ciacci (3/11/2014)

The University’s Pre-Spring Break Lecture Series
by Paul Gaszak (3/7/2014)

Do You Need Pharmaceutical Assistance?
by Lemony Snicket and Lisa Brown (3/3/2014)

Almost-Adult Singles’ Grocery Lists
by Melissa Witcombe (2/26/2014)

Standard Household Measures
by John Sherman (2/19/2014)

Alternate, and Ultimately Rejected, Titles Suggested by Pat Benatar’s Record Company for Her Opus, “Love is a Battlefield” in Reverse Order of Rejection
by Gary M. Almeter (2/14/2014)

The New York Post Covers the Trial of Socrates
by Conor James McKeon (2/13/2014)

Please Choose From the Following Eight Options
by Kristy Eldredge (2/12/2014)

The Sochi Tourism Board Presents: Tips and Tricks For Olympic Athletes and Fans
by Jeff Drake and Wendy Molyneux (2/7/2014)

Things That Would Look Good on Your Résumé
by Eleni Deacon (2/5/2014)

Other Subject Headings in the Susan Sontag Archive
by Ed Park (2/3/2014)

New Social Media Metrics
by Mike Ramberg (1/30/2014)

Nuclear Power Plant Idioms
by Dan Rozier (1/27/2014)

Parenting Tips I Learned from Law & Order: SVU
by Beth Levine and Liz Dancho (1/14/2014)

Remarks I’ve Heard Myself Make While Teaching Power Yoga Classes
by Catherine Browning (1/9/2014)

Benjamin Moore “First Apartment” Paint Chip Collection
by Molly Taft (1/7/2014)

New Year’s Resolutions
by Greg Wayne and Teddy Wayne (12/31/2013)

Flora and Their Corresponding Holiday Ritual Call to Action if Encountered
by Nate Dern (12/20/2013)

Lesser-Known Virtual Currencies
by Annie Wyman (12/17/2013)

Things Not to Bring to a Gunfight
by Darci Ratliff and Ian Carey (12/5/2013)

Bad Reasons to Start Writing Poetry
by Paul Gaszak (12/3/2013)

Popular Guilt Trip Destinations
by Dan Rozier (11/22/2013)

Film Noir Titles or Regrettable Lower-Back Tattoos?
by Amanda Marbais (11/20/2013)

Modern $25,000 Pyramid Answers
by Mike Zuckerman (11/14/2013)

New Balance Men’s Walking Shoe or the Year a Pope Died?
by Blair Munhofen (11/11/2013)

Honest LinkedIn Updates
by David Henne (11/6/2013)

Last Straws
by Steve Damm (10/30/2013)

Pessimistic Hair Band Anthems
by Carmen Petaccio (10/28/2013)

Place in the UK or High-Minded British Insult?
by Andrea Duty (10/23/2013)

Your Friend Made a Dubstep Album for Toddlers. How to Sound Genuine When He Plays It for You
by Nicholas Miriello (10/7/2013)

The Heart is a Lonely Hunter
by Kristen Martin and Maureen Devenny (10/3/2013)

The Ultimate Small Plates Tasting Menu
by Kate Hahn (9/30/2013)

I Don’t Know About You, But This is What I’d Do If I Were 22
by Meg Thompson (9/26/2013)

Martha Stewart Paint Color or Macklemore Song?
by Sid Karger (9/20/2013)

Music Blogs
by Virgil Texas (9/18/2013)

Lyrics from a Talking Heads Song That Reminded Me of Election Night, 2008, Plus One Line I Was Reminded of More Recently
by Alex Eichler (9/11/2013)

Sources of Renewable Energy Currently Being Squandered While Awaiting Efficient Conversion Technology, Ranked by Increasing Potential
by A.C. DeLashmutt (9/4/2013)

The Canon of Frat Boy Philosophy
by Lincoln Michel (8/30/2013)

Things I Learned From Pasting My Novel Into an Online Word Count Tool
by Paolo Chianta (8/29/2013)

Shameful Plugs
by Curtis Weyant (8/21/2013)

Phrases Used to Market Bic for Her Pens or Tampax Pearl Tampons?
by Elizabeth Preston (8/19/2013)

Non-Self-Aggrandizing Author Bios
by Richard Parks (8/16/2013)

What to Expect When You’re Expecting Cthulhu
by Mari Ness (8/14/2013)

Reasons Women Aren’t Funny
by Jilly Gagnon (8/5/2013)

Alternatives to Platonic Love
by Dan Smolinsky (8/1/2013)

Study Questions Sent by My English Teacher On an E-Mail from His Wife, While They Were Going Through a Divorce
by James Slaymaker (7/25/2013)

Declarative Doobie Brothers’ Lyric or Instructional Line from a First Draft of a 1950s Hygiene Manual Written By an Angry Person Who Got Fired?
by Jeff Johnson (7/18/2013)

Places We’ll Wind Up Going This Summer Vacation
by Lora Shinn (7/3/2013)

’80s Movies if America Had Lost the Cold War
by Gemma Clarke (7/1/2013)

God’s To-Do List, Week Two
by Bob Woodiwiss (6/25/2013)

Revised Acronyms for a Changing World
by Chris Miller (6/21/2013)

Items from the New York Times’ “Meh List” or One of the Many Things I See in Front of Me Right Now?
by B.R. Cohen (6/17/2013)

Fly Fishing Fly or Cosmo-Approved Sex Position?
by Kelly Slivka (6/13/2013)

Similes of the Painfully Erudite
by WC Clowney (6/10/2013)

10 Life Lessons You Can Teach Your Child by Stacking the Deck in Candyland
by Eric Stoveken (6/6/2013)

Phrases I May or May Not Have Used in an Attempt to Teach High School English
by Olivia Ciacci (6/4/2013)

Old People’s Internet Providers
by Adam Lichtenstein (5/30/2013)

Skills I Can Offer Your Post-Apocalyptic, Nomadic Street Gang
by Jonathan Stokes (5/28/2013)

Ways to Tell If the New Student is an Undercover Cop
by Nathan Patton (5/23/2013)

Captive Audience SEO
by Edward Fairchild and Jake Swearingen (5/22/2013)

How We Bring in Da Noise, Bring in Da Funk
by Julia McCloy (5/21/2013)

One-of-a-Kind Government Positions
by Jay Wexler (5/16/2013)

Rejected Staff Suggestions for the Happy Hills Elementary School’s State Standards Test Cheer
by Chandler Dean (5/15/2013)

Pop Art Pop Tarts
by Nathan Blanchard (5/13/2013)

“This is His Coming Out Party”: Inadvertent Homoerotic Phrases Frequently Used by Hockey Commentators
by Lindsay Wiens (5/10/2013)

Discarded Lines from Robert Palmer’s 1988 Hit, “Simply Irresistible”
by Chris Clancy (5/9/2013)

NPR Program or Rihanna Song Labeled “Explicit”?
by Joe McGonegal (5/2/2013)

Titles of eHow Articles I Wrote to Pay My Rent After Grad School
by Rebecca Slaven (4/29/2013)

New Categories Describing the Condition of Used Books Sold On
by Sascha Cohen (4/25/2013)

Congratulations! You’re Pregnant. Helpful Tips for Your Magical Journey
by Vanessa Fiola (4/23/2013)

Other Harvards
by Mike Zuckerman (4/18/2013)

Alternatives to Alternative Medicine
by Michael O'Donnell (4/11/2013)

Dance Moves of the Philosophy Graduate Student
by Bijan Samareh (4/8/2013)

Bank Insecurity Questions
by Nick Asbury (4/4/2013)

Appropriate Jigsaw Puzzle Pictures
by Liz Arcury (4/2/2013)

Plagues of Egypt That Did Not Make the God of Abraham’s Final Cut
by David Bailey (3/28/2013)

Arguments Against Gay Marriage
by Mark Hill (3/27/2013)

Rejected Schoolhouse Rock! Songs
by Robin Higgins (3/26/2013)

An Increasingly Obvious Cry for Help in the Form of Seamless Food Delivery Special Instructions
by Michael Levy (3/21/2013)

Politically Correct Terms for Politically Incorrect Terms
by Evan Allgood (3/19/2013)

Famous Works of Literature Reimagined to Reflect America’s Present Obesity Crisis
by Al Caggforth (3/14/2013)

Ways to Keep Me Engaged While You Talk About Your Dreams
by Meg Thompson (3/12/2013)

An Updated List of Yearbook Senior Superlatives for the 21st Century
by Rachel Klein (3/5/2013)

Washington State’s New Field Sobriety Tests to Check for Driving Under the Influence of Marijuana
by Hart Rusen (2/28/2013)

More Accurate Names for the Generic Cereals Consumed While Broke and Unemployed
by Roxanne Maikranz and Sara Sabol-Maikranz (2/21/2013)

Instagram Filters Inspired by My Parents’ Reaction to Yet Another Return Home as a Single Man Who Has Still Not Enrolled In Graduate School
by Jack Loftus (2/19/2013)

Presidents’ Day Greeting Card Messages
by Susan Cohen (2/18/2013)

Some Things That are Worse Than Being Alone on Valentine’s Day
by Ali Garfinkel (2/14/2013)

by Rachel Miller and Sophie Cooper (2/14/2013)

Taylor Swift’s B-Sides
by Jeremy Purser (2/11/2013)

Short Biographies of the Original Seven Astronauts of the National Trebuchet and Space Administration
by David Harnden-Warwick (2/6/2013)

Words That Could Conceivably Be Used to Describe Both the Super Bowl and a Superb Owl
by Michael Ward (2/1/2013)

Additional Myers-Briggs Personality Types
by James Hannaham (1/31/2013)

Wittgenstein Does Faulkner
by Steven D. Stark (1/24/2013)

Words That I Need for My Dissertation That Don’t Exist
by Carmen Faye Mathes (1/15/2013)

McSweeney’s is a publishing company based in San Francisco.
As well as operating a daily humor website, we also publish Timothy McSweeney’s Quarterly Concern, the Believer, and an ever-growing selection of books under various imprints. You can buy all of these things from our online store.