Lists

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Send your list submissions to lists@mcsweeneys.net.

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Sufjan Stevens Song or Quote From the National UFO Reporting Center?New
by Mandala Laura (5/28/2015)

Classic Wisdom for Your Early 20sNew
by Jewel Galbraith (5/27/2015)

Your Ex-Boyfriend Tim Won a Sweet Prize at Dave & Buster’s Because You Lurked His Most Recent Ex’s Pinterest and Six Other Ways You Are Positively Impacting Tim’s Life with Your Self-Destructive Social Media HabitsNew
by Larissa Zageris (5/26/2015)

Batting Heckles Uttered by the Dad On My Son’s Little League Team Who is a Meteorology Professor and Whose Research Interests Include Cloud-Based Analytics for Spatio-Temporal Data With a Primary Focus On Climate, Hydrological and Ecological Sciences
by Gary M. Almeter (5/22/2015)

Bechdel Test-Inspired Rules for Other Cartoonists
by Shannon Reed (5/21/2015)

I Know You Are But What Am I: Political Edition
by Kimberly Harrington (5/19/2015)

Singles Mixers in Your Area
by Kim Thompson (5/15/2015)

Netflix Recommendations for Your Next Genre of Boyfriend
by Jessie Gaynor (5/13/2015)

Excerpts from Forthcoming Kama Sutra Guide Titles
by Christopher James (5/12/2015)

Alternative Health Establishments That Should Be Opened by Characters from Bruce Springsteen Songs
by Liza Behles (5/11/2015)

Honest Mother’s Day Cards
by Cetoria Tomberlin (5/8/2015)

50 Ways to Leave Your Mother
by Jimmy Chen (5/8/2015)

What Your Social Media Status Updates Reveal About Your Marriage
by Darren Cahr (5/7/2015)

The Modern Gangs of New York
by Nick Kolakowski (5/6/2015)

The 20th Century’s Greatest Works of Content, Ranked By Reach and Cross Platform Shareability
by Megan Maile Green (5/5/2015)

Crowdfunding Pages of Famous Musical Theater Characters
by Tyler Gillespie (5/4/2015)

MORE Things a Man MUST Do Before the Age of 30!
by Mike Sacks and Ted Travelstead (4/30/2015)

Text Messages for Which My Emoji List is (Still) Not Sufficient
by Emily Schuck (4/29/2015)

What Your favorite ‘90s Fashion and Beauty Trend Says About You
by Jennifer Burns (4/28/2015)

Emotions My Emotional Support Dog Supports
by Caitlin Kunkel (4/23/2015)

How to Throw Like a Girl
by Valerie Nies (4/22/2015)

How to Beat the Cast of Dynasty in the Drinking Game “Never Have I Ever.”
by Amy Canavan and Sarah Schneeberger (4/20/2015)

Postmodern Zen Koans
by Elisa Abatsis (4/15/2015)

Writers’ Workshop Critiques as Applied to Your Sex Life
by Nicole Boyce (4/13/2015)

Subtle Things 2016 GOP Presidential Candidates Can And Should Do Right Now to More Thoroughly and Most Convincingly Evoke the Reagan Years
by Gary M. Almeter (4/10/2015)

Vegetable Gardening Tips, A-Z
by Carol Kolb (4/9/2015)

New Age Nondescript Markers of Status
by Caitlin Kelley (4/8/2015)

ADMIT; BUT; NOR: Dating Edition
by Scott Farrar (4/7/2015)

Rejected Ben & Jerry’s Passover Flavors
by Alex Bernstein (4/3/2015)

Recent Hit Pop Songs Co-Written by Influential Feminist Philosophers
by Joyce Miller (4/1/2015)

Sit-Com Spin-Offs from Ingmar Bergman Films
by Dale Shaw (3/30/2015)

Things My Love Life and My Writing Career Have in Common
by Samantha Edmonds (3/27/2015)

Things a Man MUST Do Before the Age of 30!
by Mike Sacks and Ted Travelstead (3/26/2015)

Band Names for Your Physics Professor’s Midlife Crisis
by Lisa Fiedler (3/25/2015)

Bar Fight Insults as Academic Papers
by Kevin Miller (3/24/2015)

ADMIT; BUT; NOR: The Workplace Edition
by Scott Farrar (3/23/2015)

13 Reasons Microaggressions Are All In Your Head, Dummy
by Tom Harrison (3/19/2015)

Benjamin Franklin’s To-Do List
by Sean Cullen (3/18/2015)

Weight Loss Tips for Women with Bowling Balls Instead of Hands
by Heidi Meurer (3/16/2015)

Are You Working in a Start-Up or Are You In Jail?
by Niree Noel (3/13/2015)

Unheralded Writing Prizes
by Nathaniel Missildine (3/12/2015)

Alternate Careers for House of Cards’ Frank Underwood
by William Lessard (3/11/2015)

True Designer Baby Names
by Marco Kaye (3/6/2015)

Headlines From My Dismal Lifestyle Blog
by Eileen Consedine (3/5/2015)

Less-Popular Kitchenware Maneuvers In Bed
by Dan McMinn (3/3/2015)

Existentialist Quotes for Social Media Platforms
by Jim Sabataso (2/27/2015)

Lacrosse Term, Obscure Sex Act That Frat Guys Always Claim to Do, Sweet Corn Variety, or Automotive Term With an Arbitrary Proper Noun In Front of It?
by Gary M. Almeter (2/26/2015)

Non-Discriminatory No-Go Zones
by Amelie Mabbutt (2/25/2015)

This Year’s Most Popular Musical Theatre Boys Names
by Andrew Law (2/23/2015)

If Critics Wrote About the Male Best Director Nominees the Same Way They Write About Selma Director Ava DuVernay
by Shannon Reed (2/20/2015)

Follow-Up Red Carpet Questions for Female Celebrities
by Dorothy Bendel (2/20/2015)

If Richard Linklater Filmed Me for the Next Twelve Years
by Wendi Aarons (2/20/2015)

Six Sweet Valley High Novels That Were Ghostwritten by Confucius
by Cian Cruise (2/19/2015)

Immunization Status of Magic Kingdom Celebrities
by George Estreich (2/18/2015)

Bang, Marry, or Kill: Tourist Season in Phoenix Edition
by Sarah Glady (2/17/2015)

Presidents’ Day Greeting Card MessagesUpdated
by Susan Cohen (2/16/2015)

Conversation Hearts for Single People on Valentine’s Day
by Aminata Dia (2/13/2015)

New Rules of Courtly Love
by Rachel Goodman (2/13/2015)

Fifty Shadiest Greys
by Ariana Lenarsky (2/12/2015)

Artistic Movements’ Favorite Drinking Games
by Peter Schultz (2/11/2015)

What a Straight Man’s Favorite Musical Says About Him
by Mara Wilson (2/10/2015)

White Noise or White Noise?
by Luke Burns (2/9/2015)

Everyone’s Hair in Middle School
by Jessy Randall (2/6/2015)

Thoughtful Reminders When Selecting a Fecal Microbiota Transplant Center
by Kristen Allocco (2/5/2015)

Parenting Ideologies I Use With My Spouse That Justify My Laziness/Terrible Efficacy as a Parent
by Simon Pinkerton (2/4/2015)

Gentrification Through the Ages
by A.C. DeLashmutt and Evan Allgood (2/2/2015)

Words That Could Conceivably Be Used to Describe Both the Super Bowl and a Superb Owl
by Michael Ward (1/30/2015)

I Like My Men Like I Like My…
by Sara K. Runnels (1/28/2015)

Things I’m “All About” Now That I’ve Turned 47
by Mike Zuckerman (1/27/2015)

Advertising and Web Design Collective Nouns
by Nate Davis and Paul Baker (1/26/2015)

Your Coworker Dave’s Recent Contributions, Ranked by Effectiveness
by Grant Pardee (1/22/2015)

Opposite Opening Lines to Famous Novels
by David Allen (1/21/2015)

Normcore Norton Anthologies
by Joanna Pearson (1/20/2015)

The Most Boring Clue Results Ever
by Kate Hahn (1/19/2015)

New Pay-Per-View Channels
by Jessy Randall (1/15/2015)

Essential Books to Impress Anyone Who Finds Your Lost Kindle
by Paul Lander (1/14/2015)

Differences Between the Ages 34, 24, and 14
by Jean Ho (1/13/2015)

27 Reasons Why I Can Never Be a Writer
by Michelle Webster-Hein (1/7/2015)

Selections from the Files of a Shuttered Community Hospital or Copy from a Farm-to-Table Restaurant Menu?
by Leslie Maslow (1/6/2015)

My New Year’s Internet Resolutions
by Anjali Enjeti (12/31/2014)

Lesser-Known Ghosts of Christmas
by J.T. Robertson (12/23/2014)

The Do’s and Don’ts of Falling in Love
by Dustin Mark (12/18/2014)

Three Site Specific Installations, Two and a Half Years Post BFA
by Claire Hamilton (12/17/2014)

Best, Worst, or Only: Hanukkah Film Edition
by B.R. Cohen (12/16/2014)

Other Things, In Addition to Love, Air Supply’s Muse Can Make Out of Basically Nothing at All
by Gary M. Almeter (12/11/2014)

Thoroughly Modern Milton
by Walter Carson (12/9/2014)

Three Things Only People Who Can’t Understand Anything Will Understand
by Teddy Wayne (12/8/2014)

The Liberal Arts Thesis Subtitle Generator
by Kyle York (12/4/2014)

Ten Things to NEVER Say to a Stay-at-Home Viking
by Sarah Schmelling (12/3/2014)

The Entirety of My Thoughts as I Eat My Son’s Mac and Cheese Dinner
by Maura Quint (12/2/2014)

Rare Product Instructions
by Don Ward (12/1/2014)

“Must-Haves” for the Holiday SeasonUpdated
by Aubrey Cloutier (11/28/2014)

Sylvia Plath’s Holiday Cooking Tips
by Arabella Anderson (11/26/2014)

Pardoned Turkeys: Where Are They Now?Updated
by Tom O'Donnell (11/26/2014)

Honest Thanksgiving Cards
by Cetoria Tomberlin (11/25/2014)

Preliminary Report on the Working Group for the Study of Secret Menu Items
by Eric Williams (11/20/2014)

Jaden Smith, Willow Smith, or William Blake?
by Walter Carson (11/19/2014)

Persons Who Reached the Limits of Their Human Potential Five Minutes Ago
by Kevin Lee (11/18/2014)

AMAs Bookmarked By Single 30-Somethings Who are Fine, Guys, They’re Fine
by Kate Solomon (11/17/2014)

What I Learned at Finishing School
by Marlene Thompson (11/13/2014)

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As well as operating a daily humor website, we also publish Timothy McSweeney’s Quarterly Concern, the Believer, and an ever-growing selection of books under various imprints. You can buy all of these things from our online store. We’re also transitioning to a nonprofit and would greatly appreciate your help. You can support us today by donating to our Kickstarter campaign.