Question: Who are you wearing?
Follow-ups:
- How much should we assume your self-worth correlates to the cost/prestige of your gown?
- Would you stand on this spinning platform while we give you a full body scan and tweet your measurements out to the world?
Question: What did you do to get ready for tonight?
Follow-ups:
- Considering the expected in-depth analysis/coverage/judgement of your overall look… How long has it been since you ingested solid food?
- How many colonics have you had in the past month? Pics?
Question: Are you excited?
Follow-ups:
- How much did you vomit this morning?
- Was it just a stream of regurgitated green juice and tenuous hope?
Question: What was it like working with ______?
Follow-ups:
- What can you tell us that we might interpret in a way that pits you against another successful woman?
- How many naked catfights have you had with ______? Pics?
Question: Who do you want to meet tonight?
Follow-ups:
- Which male celebrity can we photograph you with tonight so that we can run a story about how you are having an affair with him?
- How awkward will it be when you run into _______, considering that we just ran a story last night suggesting that you (a) are having an affair with him, or (b) hate her with the passion of a thousand burning suns?
Question: Any plans to have kids/more kids?
Follow-ups:
- How is your vaginal health?
- Would you pose for our uterine-cam?
Question: What’s in your purse?
Follow-ups:
- What is your social security number?
- What is the worst thing you’ve ever done in your life that you’ve never told anyone else about until this very moment on national television?
Question: How do you balance work and family life?
Follow-ups:
- How are you able to compose yourself and function as though you are a normal human being given that you care for another human being(s)?
- You’re a working mom… Shouldn’t you be crying/screaming/hyperventilating at home right now?