[Originally published December 23, 2011.]

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Empty a bag of chocolate chips in a bowl. Place the bowl in the microwave and heat on high for 45 seconds. Stir. Let cool for five minutes. Drink.

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Buy a package of cookie dough. Eat package of cookie dough.

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Pour cider into a mug. Heat cider in the microwave on medium high for 25 seconds. Garnish with cinnamon stick. Take a pull from a whisky bottle. Cry while listening to Tammy Wynette’s Christmas CD.

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Buy two pints of peppermint-flavored ice cream. Leave on kitchen counter for half an hour. Submerge one hand in each pint. Remain very still.

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Buy a carton of eggnog. Drink directly from carton. Contemplate dying alone.

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Brush your teeth with a candy cane for 75 minutes.

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Buy 27 gingerbread houses. Arrange them in your living room. Admire your work. Hope it sustains you until Valentine’s Day.