Send your list submissions to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Fun Holiday Recipes for Self-Sufficient Singles.
BY AMY CANNON
Empty a bag of chocolate chips in a bowl. Place the bowl in the microwave and heat on high for 45 seconds. Stir. Let cool for five minutes. Drink.
Buy a package of cookie dough. Eat package of cookie dough.
Pour cider into a mug. Heat cider in the microwave on medium high for 25 seconds. Garnish with cinnamon stick. Take a pull from a whisky bottle. Cry while listening to Tammy Wynette’s Christmas CD.
Buy two pints of peppermint-flavored ice cream. Leave on kitchen counter for half an hour. Submerge one hand in each pint. Remain very still.
Buy a carton of eggnog. Drink directly from carton. Contemplate dying alone.
Brush your teeth with a candy cane for 75 minutes.
Buy 27 gingerbread houses. Arrange them in your living room. Admire your work. Hope it sustains you until Valentine’s Day.
SUGGESTED READSTraig & McGrath, Shut-In Detectives: A Holiday Recipe
by Jenny Traig and Peter McGrath (12/22/2005)
Monologue: Holiday Basket Case
by Angie Brennan (12/21/2006)
Any Given Wednesday Afternoon: Sex Pot: A Get Right Christmas Recipe
by Ian Orti (12/10/2013)
RECENTLYWilliam Blake, Color Analyst for the Atlanta Braves
by Walter Jones (9/17/2014)
A Story from John Warner’s New Collection, Tough Day for the Army
by John Warner (9/17/2014)
Testomania: Did You Go to One of the Best Schools in the World?
by Janet Manley (9/17/2014)
POPULARClassic Movies Changed to Not Be Sexist
by Blythe Roberson (8/14/2014)
Best Joke Ever: Mitch Hedberg: Hippie Martian Zen Genius
by Mark Peters (8/28/2014)
Hello Stranger On the Street, Could You Please Tell Me How to Take Care of My Baby?
by Wendy Molyneux (8/16/2012)