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Important Instructions for the Babysitters of White Anglo-Saxon Protestant Children.
Roderick’s prayer is only to be interrupted with Wimbledon updates.
Do not allow Portia access to her iPad until she’s consumed her miso soup.
Quincy mustn’t dally with the stallions prior to jousting.
Maxwell is partial to the double Windsor.
Tipper requires an aperitif prior to snack time. She will show you where the muddler is kept. Be creative (but not ostentatious) with your amuse-bouche.
Everett is grounded. ABSOLUTELY NO FALCONRY!!!
As she has not yet been potty trained, see that Sage is fitted with disposable jodhpurs.
Ophelia is best admired from afar.
Only when his homework is completed is Forrest to be given keys to the laboratory.
Constance takes her milk with a dash of bitters.
Hortence sleeps soundest after a few chapters of Leverett Saltonstall’s autobiography.
SUGGESTED READSInstructions for the Proper Care and Feeding of the Chosen One
by Gregory Farley (1/10/2008)
Miss Winthrop’s Upper East Side Etiquette Academy for Gentlemen-in-Training’s Tips for the Mollification of Bullies
by Teddy Wayne (10/15/2013)
Instructions for Reaching the Bridge to the 21st Century
by Paul Maliszewski (2/2/2000)
RECENTLYWanted: Holiday Husband
by Julie Daniel (11/21/2014)
How to Find Love: Lessons from an Old Maid: An Unfortunate Series of Unrequited Crushes
by Connie Sun (11/21/2014)
Open Letters: An Open Letter to My Beloved Woolly Armpits
by Jennifer Burns (11/21/2014)
POPULARIt’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
by Colin Nissan (9/23/2014)
Why You Should Not Have Broken Up With Me, According to Various Critical Theories
by Tommy Wallach (11/3/2014)
The Boy from Jurassic Park’s College Application Essay
by Julia Drake (11/12/2014)