Send your list submissions to email@example.com.
Important Instructions for the Babysitters of White Anglo-Saxon Protestant Children.
Roderick’s prayer is only to be interrupted with Wimbledon updates.
Do not allow Portia access to her iPad until she’s consumed her miso soup.
Quincy mustn’t dally with the stallions prior to jousting.
Maxwell is partial to the double Windsor.
Tipper requires an aperitif prior to snack time. She will show you where the muddler is kept. Be creative (but not ostentatious) with your amuse-bouche.
Everett is grounded. ABSOLUTELY NO FALCONRY!!!
As she has not yet been potty trained, see that Sage is fitted with disposable jodhpurs.
Ophelia is best admired from afar.
Only when his homework is completed is Forrest to be given keys to the laboratory.
Constance takes her milk with a dash of bitters.
Hortence sleeps soundest after a few chapters of Leverett Saltonstall’s autobiography.
SUGGESTED READSInstructions for the Proper Care and Feeding of the Chosen One
by Gregory Farley (1/10/2008)
Miss Winthrop’s Upper East Side Etiquette Academy for Gentlemen-in-Training’s Tips for the Mollification of Bullies
by Teddy Wayne (10/15/2013)
Instructions for Reaching the Bridge to the 21st Century
by Paul Maliszewski (2/2/2000)
RECENTLYI Am the Visionary Conference Planner You’re Looking For
by David Hart (10/6/2015)
List: Top 100 Baby Names as Selected by Registered Members of Metal Band Fan Site Cattledecapitation.net
by Lara Kierlin (10/6/2015)
826 Chicago at Pitchfork: Protomartyr Never Lets You See Them Sweat
by 826 Chicago (10/6/2015)
POPULARIt’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
by Colin Nissan (9/23/2015)
List: Nihilistic Password Security Questions
by Soheil Rezayazdi (10/2/2015)
Facepalm Pilot: Where Technology Meets Stupidity: An Interactive Guide to Ambiguous Grammar
by Vijith Assar (9/3/2015)