Send your list submissions to email@example.com.
Important Instructions for the Babysitters of White Anglo-Saxon Protestant Children.
Roderick’s prayer is only to be interrupted with Wimbledon updates.
Do not allow Portia access to her iPad until she’s consumed her miso soup.
Quincy mustn’t dally with the stallions prior to jousting.
Maxwell is partial to the double Windsor.
Tipper requires an aperitif prior to snack time. She will show you where the muddler is kept. Be creative (but not ostentatious) with your amuse-bouche.
Everett is grounded. ABSOLUTELY NO FALCONRY!!!
As she has not yet been potty trained, see that Sage is fitted with disposable jodhpurs.
Ophelia is best admired from afar.
Only when his homework is completed is Forrest to be given keys to the laboratory.
Constance takes her milk with a dash of bitters.
Hortence sleeps soundest after a few chapters of Leverett Saltonstall’s autobiography.
SUGGESTED READSInstructions for the Proper Care and Feeding of the Chosen One
by Gregory Farley (1/10/2008)
Miss Winthrop’s Upper East Side Etiquette Academy for Gentlemen-in-Training’s Tips for the Mollification of Bullies
by Teddy Wayne (10/15/2013)
Instructions for Reaching the Bridge to the 21st Century
by Paul Maliszewski (2/2/2000)
RECENTLYI Can’t Sell This Car—It’s Too Hot. Plus, It’s the Popemobile
by Keaton Patti (8/19/2014)
An Interview with Curtis Sittenfeld, Guest Judge of the McSweeney’s Student Short Story Contest
by McSweeney's (8/19/2014)
List: Famous Inspirational Quotes Take Naps
by Patricia Robinson (8/19/2014)
POPULARAirplane Passengers as Explained By Their Pants
by Wendi Aarons (5/4/2012)
Hello Stranger On the Street, Could You Please Tell Me How to Take Care of My Baby?
by Wendy Molyneux (8/16/2012)
List: What Your Favorite ’80s Band Says About You
by John Peck (7/5/2011)