[Originally published July 9, 2001.]

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“For more than a thousand generations the Jedi were the guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy. Before the dark times. Before the Empire. Before she decided she needed to ‘find’ herself. Before I wasn’t good enough. [Sigh].”

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“I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. And don’t I know what that’s like.”

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“The Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It’s an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the gala— Oh, it’s all horseshit. God.”

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“If you strike me down, I shall become more grateful than you can possibly imagine.”

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“Remember, the Force will be with you, always. Except when you really need it, when a little encouragement would do you some good, just a little ‘Atta boy,’ just a little gratitude. But no. Fine.”