On cheapskates:
A penny for your thoughts, but I expect change.
On misguided ambition:
The early bird gets the worm. Some reward!
On slacking:
Your homework is like a juicy steak — rarely done!
On clumsiness:
Don’t jump to conclusions — you may fall flat on your face.
On carnivorous behavior:
Mary had a little lamb … and a side order of fries.
On compulsive disorders:
You can count on others, but it’s better to use your fingers and toes.
On the failure of the educational system:
Beware of falling objects — like your grades.
On victimization:
You are a very responsible person. When something goes wrong, people always think you’re responsible.
On evasive action:
Don’t do today what you can put off until tomorrow.
On personal hygiene:
It’s time to make an important change. Start with your socks.
On greed:
Money is the root of all evil. Who wants to be good, anyway?
On dairy desserts as they relate to automobiles:
He who eats ice cream in a car is a sundae driver.
On egotistical aqualife:
Don’t fish for complaints. Some people might think you’re shellfish.
On humor deficiency:
He who laughs last obviously didn’t get the joke.
On social outcasts:
Find yourself. Play hide-and-go-seek alone.
On abusive relationships:
If you don’t have anything good to say about someone, you’re not thinking hard enough.
On failure:
If at first you don’t succeed, you’re doing it wrong.