Send your list submissions to email@example.com.
What to Say When Pretending You Grew Up Middle-Class and Not in a Housing Project in Brooklyn.
1. “Well, at least you can get miles for that.”People seem to be more comfortable with someone if they know they’ve flown extensively.
2. Geez, I remember going to Odeon with my parents."Use this line when dealing with people in creative industries. But be careful, as you may get a follow-up question/comment involving the phrase, “fois gras”. If that happens, excuse yourself for a smoke or something.
3. “It was actually sort of suburban there.”Use this to describe where you grew up. Never mention that you still doodle your old graffiti tag.
4. “That’s the Outkast, right?”
5. “That was like something from Fraggle Rock.”Use this when something really, really surreal occurs. From what I put together, Fraggle Rock was a Muppets-esque show that aired on HBO on Thursday nights in the 80s. A follow-up line you can use: “I think it was on Thursdays nights or something like that.” People eat this shit up.
6. “It’s great there this time of year.”Works well in conjunction with no. 1. Don’t use this phrase too often with the same person. Obviously.
7. “I hear The Samples are coming to town soon.”Works great with people from the Midwest, especially if they went to the University of Colorado. The magic of this phrase: There is NO wrong time to use it.
by Christina Nunez (10/30/2000)
Nearly 100 Ways To Approach Infinity
by Ian Varley (11/3/2000)
To Change the Carburetor
by Jenn Guitart (3/17/2005)
RECENTLYReasons You Were Not Promoted That are Totally Unrelated to Gender
by Homa Mojtabai (1/27/2015)
Monologue: I am the Fucking Managing Editor of the Weather.com Homepage
by Ariel Pressman (1/27/2015)
List: Things I’m “All About” Now That I’ve Turned 47
by Mike Zuckerman (1/27/2015)
POPULARJamie and Jeff’s Birth Plan
by Paul William Davies (12/26/2012)
Product Review: The Invisible Backpack of White Privilege from L.L. Bean
by Joyce Miller (12/31/2014)
An Honest Letter from Your I.T. Department
by Greg Edwards (1/7/2015)