Step 1
Go to your local specialty market that is more than five but less than twenty miles away to procure your ingredients.

Step 2
Stop by the meat counter and address your butcher by first name. If you are not on a first-name basis with your butcher, this recipe will not work.

Step 3
Maintain eye contact as you ask your butcher to cut your meat “Toledo style.” Any butcher even passingly familiar with the Toledo style of butchering will know what this means.

Step 4
Purchase a dozen farm-fresh eggs, a bottle of rye vinegar, one liter of cranberry oil, the expensive brand of beef broth, a bag of organic carrots, and a sprig of chervil. No substitutions.

Step 5
Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.

Step 6
Beat your eggs using your Kitchenaid Stand Mixer’s bazooka attachment.

Step 7
When your eggs achieve a frothy consistency that resembles the breakers at Mykonos at magic hour, stir in the dry ingredients.

Step 8
Add a quarter teaspoon of cranberry oil. You must not skip this step, or the recipe will not work.

Step 9
Gently massage your sprig of chervil while watching an entire season of Wolf Hall. As you think, “Why isn’t Mark Rylance in more stuff? He’s so good,” add the chervil to your egg mixture. Let it rest for a few hours.

Step 10
Meanwhile, sauté your carrots and then set them aside (you won’t need them for this dish.) Next, sauté your beef. If you’re not using cast iron for this step, you’ll need to have the number of your primary care physician on speed dial.

Step 11
Add the beef to the egg mixture.

Step 12
Pour your egg mixture into ten fluted ramekins. If you use unfluted ramekins, this recipe will not work.

Step 13
Preheat your broiler even though you were just instructed to preheat your oven. A broiler will cook your dish much faster as long as you know where your broiler is and how it works.

Step 14
After making sure your ramekins are broiler-proof (you can call the manufacturer in France to confirm this), place them under the broiler. No, not there, under the broiler. The broiler. The BROILER.

Step 15
Call your emergency contact to ask if every oven comes with a broiler and how to tell if you have one or not.

Step 16
After locating your broiler and placing your ramekins under it, rotate your ramekins every minute or so. Make sure to wear a sleeveless shirt when doing this step, or your arms will not get scalded.

Step 17
Broil until the egg dish is firm. You’ll know your dish is ready when a baby’s finger inserted into the center comes out clean. If you do not have a baby readily available, any small child will do.

Step 18
Add salt and pepper to taste.

Step 19
Whoa, whoa, whoa—not that salt. You can use any type of salt as long as it’s flaky, volcanic, and from Minnesota. If you do not have Minnesotan volcanic salt in your pantry or salt cave, go to your local salt merchant and address them by first name.

Step 20
Serve immediately, or your dish will not taste good.