“By the furnaces of Los! So mightily driven was that sphere that it made war on Heaven, Joe! But Bonifacio, lover of both Heaven & Hell, and eager to bring them into harmony, rose on beating wings into the starry bosom of Albion for a splendid catch! Attaboy Emilio!”

- - -

“The water that would bring instruction to the devouring blade of grass—that demon who cuts us off from the love of our children and fills our old age with deep sighs—has failed to do so, thanks to the quick work of Ed Mangan and his ground crew, who got that tarp out on the field lickety-split.”

- - -

“How did Jason Heyward miss that bunt sign, Joe? Was he slumbering like Satan in Udan-Adan? Were his eyes bedimmed by the false sun of Urizen himself? The nakedness of his folly is both terrible and sublime, as it leaves Teheran forsaken on first, but may yet reveal to both pitiable beings that the fruits of forgiveness taste sweetest beneath the tents of despair. First beer’s on you, Jason.”

- - -

“Nice play! There’s a reason Freeman and La Stella have turned the most double plays in the National League this season Tommy, and that’s because their formless emanations, united as both male and female, have descended from their slumber in Beulah to be made flesh in Ulro. And good fundamentals like those are what’s gonna win you ball games.”

- - -

“B.J. Upton’s bat lies hid, dark, and obscure! The slugger’s real and immortal self has been annihilated, Joe! Only the shadow remains! See how he writhes at the plate like one who has embraced death, and twists his mournful form away from the hurler, getting out in front of the sphere when Heaven demands that he keep his left shoulder back!”

- - -

“Fredi Gonzalez has prophesied a victory tonight, after waking from a dream in which he beheld Jerusalem plowed under a fallow earth, and Justin Upton moving from the fifth slot to cleanup.”