Go Directly to Jail

Go directly to jail. Lament the decisions that have led you to the present, as well as the recent death of your grandfather. On the way, observe a tabby cat walking on hind legs and whistling Leoš Janáček’s “Sinfonietta.” A very specific piece. Wonder aloud at your instant recognition of it. Upon arriving at jail, observe the existence of a parallel building across the street, identical in every way except that each jailer sports a thick mustachio. Stare as they go about their day. Name the dimension this building is from “2?15” to distinguish it from your own. As you turn around, realize that you are no longer certain which jail would be best to enter. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.

Advance to Illinois Avenue

There you will find a small, ugly man selling even uglier trinkets. Purchase the old Gameboy and the Pokemon cartridge. Upon boot up, it will instead display a blank screen while playing an 8-bit rendition of Janáček’s "Sinfonietta.” A 17-year-old girl will arrive at your doorstep in Shibuya District in three days’ time. She will claim the cartridge is hers. Remark that you feel as though she has been following you, though she will not respond. Realize that she is in the background of every picture on your wall, including the paintings. If you pass Go, collect $200.

Make General Repairs
On All Your Property

While doing so, find a small secret room beneath the porch belonging to your recently deceased grandfather. In a desk, discover an electronic birthday card from your grandfather addressed to you and dated for today, which is in fact your birthday. It congratulates you as well as a woman named Edamame, whom you do not recognize. An odd name. When you open the card, it will play Janáček’s “Sinfonietta” for nine hours straight, and you cannot turn it off. For each house you own, pay $25. For each hotel, pay $100.

You Have Been Elected
Chairman of the Board

Lament your childhood intention of being a famed author and remark upon the death of dreams. Spend your evenings in downtown Tokyo carousing with your recent friend Hitomi, the female insurance adjuster. Remember Hiro, the young boy from your schoolyard youth, who once brushed the hair from your face on a rainy day. You began menstruating for the first time that very week, and also you killed a man, probably. You have been searching for Hiro ever since, unaware that he has been searching for you too. Pay each player $50.

You Have Won a
Crossword Competition

The answer for every clue was Janáček’s “Sinfonietta.” Collect $100.