We asked readers to send short write ups of their chance encounters with Dr. and Mr. Doris Haggis-On-Whey and we received dozens of brave and groundbreaking reports. The bravest and groundbreaking-est of them all was written by Tyler Meese. For his efforts, Tyler will be rewarded with a complete, signed collection of the Haggis-On-Whey series, including the latest installment, Children and the Tundra. Tyler’s winning entry is below. Thanks to all who entered!
BY TYLER MEESE
Syrup aisle. Very late. Observed Dr. and Mr. Doris Haggis-On-Whey sampling decidedly not-sample bottles and jars. Plumpish fingers on tiny hands ripped plastic seals, unscrewed lids, dipped into and squeezed out sweet goo. Mostly little licks. If sugary mess found particularly inviting or overwhelming, full finger in mouth encasement ensued. Highly unpleasant surveillance. Worked their way from one shelf end to the other. Dr. Doris Haggis-on-Whey recorded notes in small, leather-bound notebook. The mister repeated hms and ahs. Doctor’s fingertips stuck to paper’s corners frequently. Tiny ripping sounds between tongue laps. I attempted a subtle walk-by in order to obtain a visual on their notes. My other senses were bombarded. Air heavy with sugar stink. Almost palpable to the point of lip licking. Drawings appeared to be of possible better containers for syrups. Followed trend of plastic animals. Snake bottle semi-promising. Slug bottle less so. I’m unsure of the Dr. and the Mr.’s intent but it will undoubtedly be of help to no one.
Please investigate the Haggis-On-Whey series in our store.