July 2002

Is it reckless to toy with the notion of painting your own aircraft? Probably not — “seldom will the paint job have any bearing upon the safety of the airplane, but it does affect how others judge the quality of your workmanship.” Painting your bird is not an insurmountable task. Odds are, if you managed to build an experimental flying machine, you can handle this final step. Application requires an informed decision. The advice here is to use a sprayer. Other methods result in thick coverage and added weight. Save your brushes and rollers for projects around your home, as “houses don’t fly.” Go for high-gloss — only the Department of Defense would pick a flat, non-reflective paint job. Finishing your plane is hard work, but be thankful for the opportunity, as “education and recreation are why Americans have the privilege of designing and building their own airplanes.”

January 2000

The Sioux Indians of yesteryear have something in common with modern-day hunter Steve Baughman: they all suffer from a vexing psychological condition known as going “crow crazy.” Baughman is a master of his malady, and he has gone public with his daily battle. Symptoms include always looking skyward, and obsessively tuning into to the caw of the crow. Days are spent estimating the range and number of birds, and calculating the next close encounter. Yes, you must seek out that which harms you, as the only known cure for being “crow crazy” is going “crow blasting.” If your treatment plan involves a rifle, a .223 Savage and Black Hills moly-coated hollow-points make a great team. If your HMO will cover it, the semiautomatic shotgun is the way to go. Endorsed by a number of SWAT entry teams, you can’t go wrong with a versatile purchase that will handle a varmint of any size.

July 2003

It’s OK to be a creature of habit. You’re in good company; “the Bible makes it clear that Jesus has some customs he habitually practiced.” Feel free to lead a persistently obsessive life, simply avoid being a control freak about it.

Which of the following is fact?

Many of us have a natural inclination to be manipulators, grabbers, and controllers. Those who grasp are often afraid of being grasped by God.

Unfortunately, both are true. One habit you should strive to eliminate is your addiction to yourself and the life goals you have carefully crafted. In other words, “distorted dreams and selfish ambitions must die.”

Vol. 117 No. 1

It’s time to get on board the “long-discussed but seldom used to date container-on-board concept.” An IRPT/MarAd/DOT initiative, C-O-B depends on the execution of the old economic adage: the business of doing business begins with getting the business. Being mutimodal is key; clients “don’t necessarily want to fight to get it from A1 to B1 and from B1 to B.” These are the last words a client wants to hear: “Well, OK, we’ve got to go on a railroad to get it to a port, then get it down to the New Orleans port, then get it onto a deep draft ship to get it across the ocean, then get it back on the rail to get it back to the customer.”

December 2002

What do Helen Keller, Haley Joel Osmond’s character in The Sixth Sense, and the unicellular protozoan Paramecium have in common? All are able to perceive their worlds in heightened and unusual ways. Those curious as to whether free-living microorganisms have an opinion on the odor and taste of food in their environment might enjoy studying Paramecium at mealtime. The organism has quite the sensitive palate, and “is responsive to a wide range of environmental stimuli, including chemicals, light, touch, osmolarity, gravity, and electrical fields.” Testers can expose Paramecium to acetate, glutamate, and ammonium. The organism will gladly respond with either chemoattraction or chemorepulsion.

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[July 14, 2003]

Volume 105, No. 17

France is the largest country in Western Europe. The official language is French. The literacy rate, at 99%, is equal throughout the male and female populations.


France’s grapes are grown near which rivers? What energy source lies near the Spanish border? In which part of France is bauxite found?

2002 Annual report

Fourth quarter worldwide losses were 130 million. If you prefer, this loss can also be viewed as $0.07 per diluted share of Common or Class B Stock. Concerning off-balance sheet arrangements: “We have entered into various arrangements not reflected on our balance sheet that have or are reasonably likely to have a current or future effect on our financial condition, revenues or expenses, results of operations, liquidity, capital expenditures or capital resources.” Shareholders should also note that EaR and VaR are impacted by foreign currency risk, commodity price risk, interest rate risk, counterparty risk, market risk, credit risk, residual risk, and liquidity risk. The annual meeting will begin promptly at 10:00 a.m., Eastern Time.

June 2003

Boobies are great, although not everyone gets to gawk at their beauty. The Caribbean is destination number one for booby spotting. Looking to increase your odds? Peter Muilenburg shares this tip: “After I acquired a boat I saw a lot of brown boobies.”

If you’re looking for a sure thing, a veritable bevy of boobies, then find your way to Sombrero, an island slightly north of Virgin Gorda and Anguilla. Paradise awaits as “every hollow and declivity” holds precious nesting boobies. Muilenburg’s fetish extends into the afterlife, “if I come back for another round after I die, I don’t want to spend my days as a pope, a prince, or a poet. I want to be a brown booby.”

March 2002

After one too many star-gazing nights ruined by shaking views compounded by the discomfort of holding binoculars while viewing near the zenith, look to Tele-Tips for a selection of do-it-yourself bino-mounts. The crutchpod is simple, cheap and portable; it can be used from a seated or standing position.

Binochairs come in two designs. The first involves and easily modified deck chair with elevated arms. Slightly more involved is Donald Parson’s solution that “consists of a length of electrical conduit bent to a right angle, two pulleys mounted in wooden blocks, a bungee cord, and a wooden clamp.”

Another solution is as easy as adapting a device for a similar product. Bob Bruynesteyn’s bino-mount channels Randall Wehler’s bowling-ball mounted 6-inch Maksutov, yet reconfigures the design to support his 10 × 70 binoculars.

May 2003

Who tops the list of Democratic Presidential candidates in the number of individual reported contributions over and under $200?

Sen. John Kerry Lyndon H. LaRouche, Jr Sen. Joe Lieberman

The man with the indisputably strongest measure of popular support is pre-candidate LaRouche.

He is also a scholar wrestling with the careful dissection of insanity, a quest that leads directly to mathematical physics. This direction finds LaRouche explaining that “the empiricists Galileo, Thomas Hobbes, John Locke, the notorious Adam Smith, and the famous René Descartes, were, like Bertrand Russell and his devotees, systemically insane in the strictest formal use of the term.”

Moving along, LaRouche outlines two varieties of systemic disorders of individual judgement:

Simple ignorance (i.e. “an individual reared in a jungle tribe trying to operate a bulldozer at first sighting”). Influence of “axiomatically false assumptions” that often result in pathological sway over groups and individuals.
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[June 2003]

Spring 2003

Sponsoring an eagle is like giving a gift to the United States of America. The bald eagle is certainly this country’s most sentimental bird of prey, however, it is up to the giver to decide which legacy of this great land to honor. The symbolic eagle caters to two camps, pre- and post-Jamestown.

Donors who believe that greatness is inherent to this continent might choose to sponsor the following birds: Osceola, Chehalis, Tioga, Tennessee, Crazy Horse, Wankan Tankan, Cheyenne, Tecumseh, Cherokee, or Spirit.

Benefactors wishing to honor the effects of a few outside interests and some lasting colonies can support a different group of eagles: America, Independence, Patriot, Mr. President, Libby, Mr. Lincoln, George W., Mr. Jefferson, Liberty & Justice, Pilgrim, Franklin, Victory, or Ground Zero.

Send checks payable to Save The Eagle, in Pigeon Forge, TN (home to Dollywood, another venerable American treasure).

March 2003

The lament that “the majority of so-called new mods are really just twists on old ones” has led to ennui in the modern body mod workplace. Flesh stapling has been heralded worldwide as a remedy to the often tedious world of scarring, tats, piercings, branding, and grafting. Stapling is part piercing, part pocketing, and all new!

This procedure was born from the boredom of Sami “Samppa” Eorala. Ten long years as a professional piercer forced Samppa into the trial and error experimentation of flesh stapling. This procedure offers two benefits to the extreme body modification community:

The largest benefit is that the jewelry rests more snugly on the skin, alleviating surface tension. This allows for healthier blood flow, which is obviously important for proper healing. Staples can be placed in areas previously thought unmodifiable, such as the arm.

Flesh stapling equals innovation, “something the industry has all but forgotten about.”

Issue 7

Marcel Proust came into this world on July 10, 1871. His star sign is Cancer, a feminine sign associated with the mother. His moment of birth found Aries rising. The moon in Taurus if indicative of a very feminine nature; Proust was homosexual and so “was not manly in the ordinary sense.” His moon was in Taurus, and Saturn was near the midheavens. Looking to the third house one discovers “a beauty mark” of sorts: the north node of the moon in Gemini in the house ruled by Gemini. His fifth house is empty.

Volume 11 Spring 2003

State cutbacks and poor endowment returns have decimated school budgets. When attempting to balance educational finances, keep in mind that all savings have trade-offs. Perhaps insurance coverage looks like a luxury in today’s climate of slashed teaching jobs and program cuts, yet what are you willing to gamble?

Before you wager with the lives of your student and staff population, answer this:

According to “Risks You Might Not Have Anticipated,” which of the following school insurance claims have been reported?

A student slipped while painting with his feet.
A camper in a summer program repeatedly bit another camper on the ankle.
Two students in the throes of passion fell out of a screened window.
A teacher was invited to resign after asking students to rub her feet. She subsequently alleged that her resignation was coerced.

Answer: All occurred. Please remember, “however unusual the events at your institution, prompt reporting of claims and incidents to United Educators can help us provide you with the best defense.”


There are over sixty-six institutions in the federal prison system, and every prison camp is different. “What to Bring When You Report to Prison Work Camp” touches on the similarities shared by all pending arrivals. Prison camps often forbid red and blue clothing. Logos of any kind are not allowed. You can pay the people at alteration shops to remove logos prior to arrival. Do not forget your social security card. You may pack up to two religious necklaces.

You will be issued three pairs of white acrylic socks. Note: “If you are allergic to synthetic materials or have strong feelings against them, too bad!” Grey pants are not allowed for visits because the guards wear grey pants. Pack one pair of shower shoes. If so desired, bring a copy of the Koran, Book of Mormon, or other texts. There are plenty of Bibles on hand.