McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON

Join our Patreon at $10/month (or more) and receive a coupon for a discount on the Decorative Gourd Beanie, Gourd mugs, and our glorious new Advent Calendar. Help support our writers and keep our site ad-free.

Articles by

Austin Gilkeson

Email X

Austin Gilkeson’s writing has appeared at Catapult, Vulture, The Toast, Tor.com, and other fine establishments. He lives just outside Chicago with his wife and son.

July 24, 2020

We Must Not Destroy Our History by Tearing Down Statues of Great Men Like Gothbag the Terrible

by Austin Gilkeson
August 30, 2019

So You’re 35 and All Your Friends Have Already Shed Their Human Skins

by Austin Gilkeson

Trending 🔥

September 20, 2024

It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers

by Colin Nissan
September 30, 2024

Faculty, Rejoice: Gmail Can Now Translate “Deanspeak”

by Jane G.
August 19, 2024

Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing: Atrocities 1–1,056

by Ben Parker, Stephanie Steinbrecher, Kelsey Ronan, John McMurtrie, Sophia DuRose, Rachel Villa, and Amy Sumerton
October 2, 2024

JD Vance, a Very Normal Human Man, Sells Used Cars

by Sam Woods

Recently

October 11, 2024

I Wish I Went Before Mary Shelley in This Storytelling Contest

by Mike Drucker
October 11, 2024

270 Reasons: Because Kamala Harris Can Say the Word “Abortion”

by Lauren Groff
October 11, 2024

Brutally Honest Instructions for Visiting a Pumpkin Patch

by Gracie Beaver-Kairis
October 10, 2024

Why Kamala Harris Must Secure the Endorsement of Sabnock, the Great Marquis of Hell

by Martin Nolan