ILLUSTORIA MAGAZINE
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Articles by
Eddie Small
Eddie Small is a writer whose work has been published in The New Yorker and The Onion.
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August 23, 2024We Have Updated Our Children’s Menu Options to Better Reflect What We See Your Children Doing in Our Restaurant
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July 24, 2024You Are Almost Out of Google Storage Space
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June 12, 2024Things to do in a Hotel Room After Your Child Falls Asleep at 7:30 p.m.
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March 12, 2024I Guess I Will Just Keep Standing Here While You Fix the Sink
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February 23, 2024A Timeline of My Attempt to Drink a Beer on a Friday Night Before My Toddler Goes to Bed
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February 5, 2024Feedback on Short Film Video Call to Grandma and Grandpa
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August 29, 2023I Don’t Have Much Interest in Talking to You, But Our Toddlers Just Started Playing Together at This Playground, So I Guess We’re Doing This
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April 18, 2023Chicka Chicka Boom Boom: The Action Movie Trailer
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March 2, 2023I Will Explain My Book to You As Soon as I Finish Having This Panic Attack
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July 5, 2022Holding My Baby Will Not Be a Stressful Experience for You at All
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May 27, 2022Starcourt Mall is Closing
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March 23, 2022Please Follow These Very Simple Office Refrigerator Rules
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September 9, 2024A Math Exam, but Obviously Some Stuff Has Happened over the Summer in the Teacher’s Personal Life
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September 11, 2024Maura Quint’s Presidential Debate Recaps: The One with the Tackle and the Bait
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August 19, 2024Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing: Atrocities 1–1,056
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September 22, 2023It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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September 18, 2024A Letter You Can Give to Your Children in Twenty Years Explaining That You Don’t Have Photos or Videos of Them as Babies Because You Couldn’t Figure Out How to Handle Your Phone’s Storage
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September 18, 2024FAQ’s About Our New Patient Portal, HellthChase
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September 17, 2024The Problem with American College Campuses Is That I Desperately Miss Being Young
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September 17, 2024Of Course We’re Going to Keep Feeding the Grizzly Bear