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Articles by
Eddie Small
Eddie Small is a writer whose work has been published in The New Yorker and The Onion.
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May 27, 2022Starcourt Mall is Closing
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March 23, 2022Please Follow These Very Simple Office Refrigerator Rules
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November 1, 2021Ten Albums to Listen to Before You Die Tomorrow
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July 13, 2021My Main Goal as CEO of This Startup Is to Get Featured in a Documentary About How I Was Conning Everyone
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August 3, 2020This Neighborhood Was So Much Cooler Back When I Was 23
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December 18, 2019Please Turn This Piece of Long-Form Journalism Into a Screenplay
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May 15, 2019Six Honest Takeaways From the Gazette’s Massive Investigation Into the Concrete Industry
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April 16, 2019A Template for Every Trump Tell-All Book Review
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January 30, 2019The Hottest Neighborhoods In 2019
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October 25, 2018Every Panel Discussion On the Future of Local News
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June 27, 2018Why I Am Resigning From My Technology Company and Keeping All the Money
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April 24, 2018I Just Realized That I Never Responded to Your Email and You Recently Gained the Ability to Help Advance My Career
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February 19, 2021I’m a Short Afternoon Walk and You’re Putting Way Too Much Pressure on Me
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June 28, 2022We Are an Anti-Abortion Couple, and Don’t Worry, We Will Adopt Your Baby
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January 14, 2022What Your Favorite Sad Dad Band Says About You
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June 27, 2022We Would Do Something, But Then We Wouldn’t Have the Power to Do Something, So We Can’t Do Something
Recently
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July 1, 2022FAQ: Freedom
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July 1, 2022A Declaration of Independence from the United States Supreme Court
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July 1, 2022Laws Should Be Based Solely on the Words of Constitutional Authors Like Me, the Guy Who Died After Shoving a Piece of Whalebone in His Dick
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June 30, 2022I’d Rather Drag Your Lifeless Body from This Party Than Wait Here While You Go to the Bathroom