ILLUSTORIA MAGAZINE
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Articles by
Gracie Beaver-Kairis
Gracie Beaver-Kairis is a Pacific Northwest-based humor and fiction writer. Her work has appeared in Weekly Humorist, Slackjaw, Belladonna Comedy, Points in Case, and in a series of unorganized Google docs on her phone.
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March 21, 2024What I Imagine Would Happen If I Went on Naked and Afraid
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March 12, 2024All of the Toilet Scenes in This Prestige Drama are 100 Percent Necessary
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October 6, 2023Taking a Bubble Bath: Fantasy vs. Reality
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September 1, 2023An Honest Guide to Your New Inflatable Standup Paddleboard
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May 31, 2023If What Millennials Were Taught in School Were Actually Useful
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May 1, 2023Excerpts from My Wilderness Adventure Novel Where It’s a Crucial Plot Point That All the Characters Went to Notre Dame
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December 20, 2022We Are the Dead Moms in Holiday Commercials and We Have Had Enough
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October 28, 2022A Millennial Woman’s House of Horrors
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October 13, 2022An Expert’s Guide to Your First Tattoo by Me, a Person with a Single Tiny Tattoo
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August 2, 2022Protagonists of ’00s Songs: Where Are They Now?
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June 1, 2022Honest Instructions for Your At-Home Bikini Wax
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April 6, 2022From Now On, the Fast & Furious’s Dominic Toretto Will Only Drive a Honda Odyssey
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September 9, 2024A Math Exam, but Obviously Some Stuff Has Happened over the Summer in the Teacher’s Personal Life
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September 11, 2024Maura Quint’s Presidential Debate Recaps: The One with the Tackle and the Bait
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August 19, 2024Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing: Atrocities 1–1,056
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September 22, 2023It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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September 19, 2024A Note from Your Child’s School About Its Apps and Websites
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September 19, 2024“Man Is Weak, and When He Makes Strength His Profession, He Is Weaker”: A Conversation with Wrestling Promoter Sean Görman About the Influence of the WWE on Trump’s Every Move
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September 19, 2024Every Type of Movie Sequel Title
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September 18, 2024A Letter You Can Give to Your Children in Twenty Years Explaining That You Don’t Have Photos or Videos of Them as Babies Because You Couldn’t Figure Out How to Handle Your Phone’s Storage