Articles by
Jake Swearingen
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October 28, 2016List: The Adult Haunted House of Horrors
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May 22, 2013List: Captive Audience SEO
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January 30, 2013The #MostDangerousGame
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December 23, 2010List: My Tenure as Holiday Party Planner Was Long, Controversial, and Will Be Ultimately Vindicated by History
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October 19, 2006From The Grad Schoolyard: The Diarrhea Song
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March 8, 2001How Important Moments In My Life Would Have Been Different If I Was Shot Twice In The Stomach At Close Range
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April 4, 2018Fifty-Six Questions for Young MC Upon Hearing “Bust a Move” for the First Time in Twenty-Two Years
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April 10, 2018List: Horoscopes for Librarians
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March 19, 2018I’m Going to Close This Deal Using Business Words I’ve Heard Men Yell in Airports
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April 6, 2018We Deeply Regret Hiring the Perpetrators of the Salem Witch Trials as Opinion Columnists
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April 19, 2018A Poem About Your University’s Absolute and Unwavering Appreciation of Its Faculty in Spite of Said Faculty’s Crap Salaries
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April 19, 2018List: Things I, an Affluent White Cis Male, Have Gotten Away With In a Starbucks
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April 19, 2018The Diary of a Settler of Catan
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April 18, 2018The First Female President