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Articles by
Matthew Simmons
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July 19, 2007Two Things That Aren’t Covered by Your Friend With Benefits
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May 12, 2005Things Heard During John Cage’s Folsom Prison Performance of “4’33”."
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May 10, 2005Three Items at the Supermarket I See in a New Way, Now That I’ve Read Some Books on Literary Theory
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February 16, 2005Ways Jesus Saves
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September 13, 2004This Bible You Sold Me Is Clearly Defective and I’d Like to Return It, Please
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November 6, 2003Why Love Is Blind
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August 21, 2003Things I Would Say to Dorothy Parker If I Was Her Boyfriend that Would Lead to a Huge Fight
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March 27, 2024Class Is Canceled Until Further Notice While I Do My Job
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April 5, 2024I’m the Draft List at This Brewery and No, You Can’t Have a Light Beer
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April 3, 2024Emails from My Dentist That Would Actually Make Me Schedule an Appointment
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March 2, 2022Selected Negative Teaching Evaluations of Jesus Christ