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Articles by
Matthew Simmons
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July 19, 2007Two Things That Aren’t Covered by Your Friend With Benefits
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May 12, 2005Things Heard During John Cage’s Folsom Prison Performance of “4’33”."
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May 10, 2005Three Items at the Supermarket I See in a New Way, Now That I’ve Read Some Books on Literary Theory
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February 16, 2005Ways Jesus Saves
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September 13, 2004This Bible You Sold Me Is Clearly Defective and I’d Like to Return It, Please
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November 6, 2003Why Love Is Blind
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August 21, 2003Things I Would Say to Dorothy Parker If I Was Her Boyfriend that Would Lead to a Huge Fight
Trending 🔥
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March 18, 2025Senator Schumer Votes to Let the Big Wooden Horse into Troy
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March 24, 2025Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes
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March 10, 2025As an American Jew, I Feel Completely Reassured for My Safety Now That Trump Has Targeted the Epicenter of American Antisemitism, Columbia University
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March 13, 2025It’s a Shame We Have to Betray Our Allies, Starve the Poor, Halt Scientific Progress, Destroy the Environment, and Eliminate the Freedoms Enshrined in the Bill of Rights, but at Least My Investment Portfolio Is Also Tanking
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March 28, 2025Brutally Honest Emails from Academia.edu
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March 27, 2025We Are the People Who Buy Red Delicious Apples
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March 27, 2025A Letter from Believer Editor Daniel Gumbiner
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March 27, 2025Scenes from the First Major League Baseball Game Featuring the New Robot Umpire, HAL 9000 from 2001: A Space Odyssey