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Articles by
Matthew Simmons
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July 19, 2007Two Things That Aren’t Covered by Your Friend With Benefits
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May 12, 2005Things Heard During John Cage’s Folsom Prison Performance of “4’33”."
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May 10, 2005Three Items at the Supermarket I See in a New Way, Now That I’ve Read Some Books on Literary Theory
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February 16, 2005Ways Jesus Saves
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September 13, 2004This Bible You Sold Me Is Clearly Defective and I’d Like to Return It, Please
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November 6, 2003Why Love Is Blind
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August 21, 2003Things I Would Say to Dorothy Parker If I Was Her Boyfriend that Would Lead to a Huge Fight
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November 13, 2018If People Talked to Other Professionals the Way They Talk to Teachers
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May 13, 2022Ten Possibilities the Applebee’s Waitress Considers Before It Occurs to Her the Women in Booth Fourteen Might Be a Couple with Two Children
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May 2, 2022Welcome to the Middle-Aged Restaurant. Please Stop Complaining
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May 2, 2016I Would Rather Do Anything Else Than Grade Your Final Papers
Recently
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May 19, 2022This Town Ain’t Big Enough for the Two of Us, Partner—So I’ll Just Leave Then. Enjoy the Town!
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May 19, 2022Dorm Room Checklist for New Woodmont Students
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May 19, 2022I Know What’s Best For You All Over the World: Guilt Lessons and Other Poems
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May 19, 2022I Regret to Inform You That I Can Get Pregnant with My Legs Closed