Articles by
Matthew Simmons
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July 19, 2007List: Two Things That Aren’t Covered by Your Friend With Benefits
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May 12, 2005List: Things Heard During John Cage’s Folsom Prison Performance of “4’33”."
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May 10, 2005List: Three Items at the Supermarket I See in a New Way, Now That I’ve Read Some Books on Literary Theory
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February 16, 2005List: Ways Jesus Saves
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September 13, 2004This Bible You Sold Me Is Clearly Defective and I’d Like to Return It, Please
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November 6, 2003List: Why Love Is Blind
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August 21, 2003List: Things I Would Say to Dorothy Parker If I Was Her Boyfriend that Would Lead to a Huge Fight
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August 8, 2018The Very Model of a Modern-Age Millennial
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November 12, 2015Maybe I Should Stop Bringing Up My Cat So Much When People Tell Me Stories About Their Kids
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August 2, 2018You Have Been Loading the Dishwasher Incorrectly Your Entire Life
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June 29, 2018List: 17 Real-Life Would-You-Rathers I, a Woman, Have Had to Ask Myself
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August 17, 2018OUR Wedding is All About YOU
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August 17, 2018List: A List of Things I’ve Said to Men this Week Instead of “You’re Wrong,” or “No” to Spare Their Feelings, Even Though They Were Wrong and I Knew the Right Answer
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August 17, 2018One Small Blow Against Encroaching Totalitarianism: Ordinary Hands
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August 17, 2018Welcome to The Middle, an Enchanted Land Where Compromise and Civility Get Results