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Articles by

Sam Kimelman

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Sam is an independent writer and creative producer in Austin, Texas. He specializes in screenwriting, humor writing, advertising creative direction, and self-adulating third-person bios. His writing has appeared in McSweeney’s (this website). His advertising shows up in every inescapable corner of the internet.

November 6, 2018

Don’t Worry About the Laughing Skull On the Voting Machines

by Sam Kimelman
October 1, 2018

Millennials: Are They Fucking Your Wife?

by Sam Kimelman

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April 30, 2020

The Girl From Avril Lavigne’s “Sk8er Boi” Responds 18 Years Later

by Madeleine Trebenski
June 26, 2020

A Message from Your University’s Vice President for Magical Thinking

by Juliana Gray
June 30, 2020

Would-You-Rathers for Parents During Quarantine

by Sally Miller and Julie Vick
June 22, 2020

I’m the Guy Setting Off Fireworks Every Night In Your Neighborhood and I Have You Right Where I Want You

by Ilana Gordon

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Security Questions for Academics Approaching the Fall 2020 Semester

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We at Anthropologie Will Be the Harbingers of Racial Justice

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Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing (So Far): Atrocities 1-796

by Ben Parker, Stephanie Steinbrecher, Kelsey Ronan, John McMurtrie, Sophia DuRose, Rachel Villa, and Amy Sumerton
July 10, 2020

The Instinct to Help

by Ken Wu