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Articles by
Tom Batten
Tom Batten has written for The New Yorker, The Guardian, and others. He lives in Virginia.
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June 8, 2018The World Responds to Me Winning HQ Trivia
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February 26, 2018What I Imagine an Average Day Would Be Like If I Lived in New York
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October 24, 2017I’m Looking for a Woman Who Will Challenge Me
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October 25, 2016About the Sinkhole in the Adjunct Faculty Lounge, and Other Mid-Semester Announcements
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September 8, 2006Three New Mac Ad Ideas
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October 9, 2009It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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October 9, 2020The 52 Stages of Insomnia
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May 18, 2020I Was In Charge of the Deck Chairs On the Titanic, and They Absolutely Did Need Rearranging
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October 19, 2020
Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing (So Far): Atrocities 1- 940
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October 21, 2020Campaign Strategies For Getting Out the Cryptid Vote
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October 21, 2020
For the Voter Who Is Unsure About Mail-In Ballots -
October 21, 2020Quarantine Is a Wonderful Opportunity to Grow as a Person and Regress as a Person
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October 21, 2020Beaver of Fine Arts: What You Missed When You Skipped Class