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Articles by
Zain Khalid
Zain Khalid is a writer whose work can be found here, The New Yorker, and elsewhere. He is currently writing a novel with too many working titles.
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August 4, 2017Let’s Dismantle the Utopian Community We Founded Immediately After the Election
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June 5, 2017How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Fidget Spinner
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April 25, 2017Introducing FitBigot!
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February 10, 2017The Islamic State’s Thank You Letter to the Infidel King, Donald Trump
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June 30, 2016Millennial Constitutional Amendments
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April 6, 2016I Stopped Reading Your Screenplay to Save Our Marriage
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January 27, 2016The Universally Electable Vice-Presidential Candidate
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November 3, 2015The Four Horsemen of Gentrification
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September 29, 2015On Fleek’s Eulogy for Ratchet
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August 4, 2015Why I’m Leaving ISIS for a Career in Improv Comedy
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January 14, 2021I Am the Designer of This Restaurant’s Outdoor Seating Space, and This Is My Artist’s Statement
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January 13, 2021Excerpts from the Sex and the City Revival in Which Samantha Is Replaced with Fran Lebowitz
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December 21, 2020Things I Didn’t Have on My 2020 Bingo Card Bingo
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January 20, 2021
Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing: Atrocities 1-1,056
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January 22, 2021Llama Llama Remote-Learning Drama
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January 22, 2021Eight Famous Poems Rewritten by Your Asshole Cat
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January 22, 2021Now That I Am Old Enough to Enroll in Medicare, I Am Against Socialized Medicine
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January 21, 2021I Am a Disappointed Biden Voter Who Was Told He’d Immediately Implement Communist Rule