Articles by
Zain Khalid
Zain Khalid is a writer whose work can be found here, The New Yorker, and elsewhere. He is currently writing a novel with too many working titles.
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August 4, 2017Let’s Dismantle the Utopian Community We Founded Immediately After the Election
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June 5, 2017How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Fidget Spinner
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April 25, 2017Introducing FitBigot!
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February 10, 2017The Islamic State’s Thank You Letter to the Infidel King, Donald Trump
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June 30, 2016List: Millennial Constitutional Amendments
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April 6, 2016I Stopped Reading Your Screenplay to Save Our Marriage
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January 27, 2016Monologue: The Universally Electable Vice-Presidential Candidate
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December 29, 2015The Four Horsemen of Gentrification
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September 29, 2015Monologue: On Fleek’s Eulogy for Ratchet
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August 4, 2015Why I’m Leaving ISIS for a Career in Improv Comedy
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October 20, 2009It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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October 10, 2018My Common App Essay: “Every School Reading This Except Dartmouth Sucks Ass”
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October 8, 2018Matreon: The Patreon Platform for Emotional Labor
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October 1, 2018List: Honest Greeting Cards You Should Expect From the Women In Your Life This Week
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October 15, 2018Please Purchase My Personal Data From Me Directly
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October 15, 201819 Things to Know About Me, the Gay Male Sidekick in a Romantic Comedy
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October 15, 2018One Small Blow Against Encroaching Totalitarianism: Travesty
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October 15, 2018Why I Keep My Household Vegan While Crushing Mozzarella Sticks at This Applebee’s