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Articles by
Zain Khalid
Zain Khalid is a writer whose work can be found here, The New Yorker, and elsewhere. He is currently writing a novel with too many working titles.
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August 4, 2017Let’s Dismantle the Utopian Community We Founded Immediately After the Election
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June 5, 2017How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Fidget Spinner
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April 25, 2017Introducing FitBigot!
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February 10, 2017The Islamic State’s Thank You Letter to the Infidel King, Donald Trump
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June 30, 2016Millennial Constitutional Amendments
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April 6, 2016I Stopped Reading Your Screenplay to Save Our Marriage
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January 27, 2016The Universally Electable Vice-Presidential Candidate
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November 3, 2015The Four Horsemen of Gentrification
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September 29, 2015On Fleek’s Eulogy for Ratchet
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August 4, 2015Why I’m Leaving ISIS for a Career in Improv Comedy
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May 18, 2020I Was In Charge of the Deck Chairs On the Titanic, and They Absolutely Did Need Rearranging
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October 20, 2020Ten Legitimate Reasons to Pull Out Your Dick On a Zoom Call
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October 9, 2009It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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October 27, 2020
949 Topics to Discuss With Undecided Voters
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October 29, 2020
For the Voter Who Knows It Doesn’t Matter -
October 29, 2020
For the Voter Who Gets Called Black — But Has Always Been a Ghost -
October 29, 2020We Are Random Capitalizations, Words in ALL CAPS, and Incorrect Punctuation and We Endorse Joe Biden for President
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October 29, 2020The Tell-Tale Biological Clock