Amendment XXVIII

New laws shall be announced on Twitter. Should any law receive more favorites than retweets, it shall be subject to appeal.

Amendment XXIV

The third Thursday of every month shall be a national Throwback Thursday. Senators will be required to wear powdered wigs in recognition of the holiday.

Amendment XXX

Roman numerals shall be abolished from the constitution (we realized seeing three X’s in a row like that makes everyone feel super weird).

Amendment 31

The very chill Barn Swallow shall replace the clearly psychotic Bald Eagle as the national bird.

Amendment 32

Federal luncheons shall be abolished in favor of federal bruncheons, which must be catered by the local Korean Barbecue food truck with the highest Yelp reviews.

Amendment 33

In lieu of the traditional weekly radio address, the President shall make guest appearances on a random citizen’s podcast.

Amendment 34

NASA shall dedicate 30% of its budget to making flying cars a thing, as it has been established by pretty much every movie ever that those were supposed to be a thing by now.

Amendment 35

In an effort to make our elections truly transparent, presidential candidates shall post to Instagram a monthly #nofilter selfie.

Amendment 36

The U.S. Ambassador to Canada must now and forever be related to Aubrey “Drake” Graham

Amendment 37

The IRS shall levy income tax through Venmo. Kickstarter earnings will be taxed on a case-by-case basis.

Amendment 38

To declare war, congress must clearly outline what it is good for — in a well-reasoned think piece on

Amendment 39

For presidential candidates who engage in personal attacks and/or cyber bullying, political debates shall institute some kind of “Throwing Shade” penalty.

Amendment 40

Corporations shall not be people, unless they are active on Snapchat.

Amendment 41

All elected officials must swear into office by placing their right hand on a MacBook Air while promising to “stay woke” in office.

Amendment 42

Neither unpaid internship nor credit-only positions shall exist within these United States nor any place subject to its jurisdiction. That includes you, Bay Area.

Amendment 43

The Pledge of Allegiance shall end with, “… one nation, under Kendrick Lamar, indivisible, with liberty and HBO GO logins for all.”

Amendment 44

The State of the Union address shall no longer be judged by applause breaks but by upvotes on Reddit.

Amendment 45

Due to its painfully basic aesthetic, the United States flag shall be redesigned by Banksy.

Amendment 46

Prior to their confirmation, Supreme Court nominees must demonstrate the ability to correctly use the “keeping it 100” emoji in a dissenting opinion.

Amendment 47

Mansplaining and manspreading shall be tried as federal offenses. Cruel and unusual punishment, like forcing someone to Bing, shall be allowed for these crimes.

Amendment 48

The use of gendered pronouns shall be prohibited. Citizens may attempt use of the all-gendered “herm” instead.

Amendment 49

“Herm” has not taken off the way we hoped. Gendered pronouns are once again be permitted but saying things like “male nurse” shall still be totally uncool.

Amendment 50

The capital of the United States is hereby Bushwick, you guys.