SPECIAL DECORATIVE-GOURD-RELATED PROMOTION!

Become a McSweeney’s Internet Tendency patron at $10 (or more) a month, and receive a free It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers tote bag. (Offer ends October 1st.)

On the Trail of Mary Jane

Wendy C. Ortiz is a native of Los Angeles. She is left-handed and frequently accompanied by a thirty-six-inch tall girl named Octavia. She writes and works as a marriage and family therapist intern. Her book Excavation: A Memoir (Future Tense Books) is now available.