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New Categories Describing the Condition of Used Books Sold On Amazon.com.
BY Sascha Cohen
“Smells like cigarettes and includes business card of practicing metaphysician.”
“Some pages may contain Nutri-Grain bar crumbs and specks of cat litter.”
“Spine of book may have been moderately damaged during hypomanic episode.”
“Some margins may be marked with ethnic slurs and/or Pottery Barn wish lists.”
“Back cover flap appears to have been partially consumed by a goat.”
“I hid a lock of hair somewhere in this one.”
SUGGESTED READSActual Reviews Posted on amazon.com by Me, in Utter Slack-Jawed Ignorance of the Books Involved, and with Grammatical Errors Intact
by Tim Church (2/7/2000)
A Review of Ayn Rand’s The Fountainhead
by Bill Wasik (3/1/1999)
Monologue: Jeff Bezos Says Hi to You in the Waiting Room of Your Doctors’ Office
by Evan Johnston (8/1/2008)
by Alex J. Mann (12/10/2013)
McSweeney’s Advent Calendar Recommendations!
by McSweeney's (12/10/2013)
Any Given Wednesday Afternoon: Sex Pot: A Get Right Christmas Recipe
by Ian Orti (12/10/2013)
POPULARI Regret to Inform You That My Wedding to Captain Von Trapp Has Been Canceled
by Melinda Taub (5/18/2011)
Retail Therapy: Inside the Apple Store: It’s a Trap!
by J.K. Appleseed (11/21/2013)
Jamie and Jeff’s Birth Plan
by Paul William Davies (12/26/2012)