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New Categories Describing the Condition of Used Books Sold On Amazon.com.
BY SASCHA COHEN
“Smells like cigarettes and includes business card of practicing metaphysician.”
“Some pages may contain Nutri-Grain bar crumbs and specks of cat litter.”
“Spine of book may have been moderately damaged during hypomanic episode.”
“Some margins may be marked with ethnic slurs and/or Pottery Barn wish lists.”
“Back cover flap appears to have been partially consumed by a goat.”
“I hid a lock of hair somewhere in this one.”
SUGGESTED READSActual Reviews Posted on amazon.com by Me, in Utter Slack-Jawed Ignorance of the Books Involved, and with Grammatical Errors Intact
by Tim Church (2/7/2000)
A Review of Ayn Rand’s The Fountainhead
by Bill Wasik (3/1/1999)
Monologue: Jeff Bezos Says Hi to You in the Waiting Room of Your Doctors’ Office
by Evan Johnston (8/1/2008)
RECENTLYA Fun Pumpkin Carving Tutorial!
by Andrew Cushing (10/30/2014)
Not So Timeless After All: Bemelmans, Madeline
by Ilana Masad (10/30/2014)
List: Other Seasonal Drinks
by Alison Leiby and Alyssa Wolff (10/30/2014)
POPULARIt’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
by Colin Nissan (9/23/2014)
Security Questions for Single, Childless People
by Shannon Reed (10/3/2014)
List: Boat Parts or Names of Unvaccinated Children?
by Grant Pardee (10/6/2014)