Remember that an acronym is pronounced as a single word, whereas an initialism is pronounced as a series of letters. So when you say “I’ve got an acronym for you, buddy: STFU!”—well, you’re actually working to erode that distinction. It’s not as if one can pronounce the word “stuh-foo” or something. That would sound quite ignorant.

What’s that? You say you want me to “literally” shut my fucking face?

That’s going to be pretty hard considering that my face as a whole can’t “literally”—that is to say physically or actually—be opened or closed. Perhaps you were looking for the word “figuratively,” or else you were using “literally” literarily—in other words, you meant it in the ironic, meta-vernacular sense with which James Joyce employs it in the opening line of his seminal short story “The Dead.”

You just punched me in the face.

At the risk of provoking you again, allow me to respond to your uninspired repartee just now that “Hopefully that will teach [my] bitch ass a lesson” by asking you this: what is the word “hopefully” modifying here? Am I hopeful? Are you hopeful? Who is exactly is hopeful? Any decent modern usage guide this side of Chicago will corroborate that beginning a sentence with “hopefully”—

No. No, I don’t know “who I’m messing with.” I don’t know because I can’t readily parse a sentence that confuses the nominative case of a relative pronoun with the subjective. Though I commend you for eschewing hypercorrection by recasting the sentence such that it doesn’t end with a preposition—that’s clearly an outmoded rule, wouldn’t you agree? So back to why “hopefully” is wrong—

Ouch. Please stop punching my head.

Look, it isn’t my fault that you don’t properly understand the language you purport to speak, or that you’re then too stubborn to allow me to condescendingly explain your many linguistic shortcomings. It likewise isn’t my fault that you feel the need to resort to physical violence simply because you can’t express your disdain for others the way a normal person would—such as through a superficially conciliatory remark that secretly operates as a withering counter-factual application of the subjunctive mood, for example, or else through persistent, pedantic correction of other people’s grammar and usage.

However, if I were unduly rude or presumptuous at any point just now, I would apologize. Now if you would please stop kicking my ribs and permit me to excuse myself, it would seem that I literally—and pay attention how I’m using it here—I literally require urgent medical care.