When you have no clue what the poem is about

“I’m very intrigued by your beautiful language in this poem. It gives each line such an ephemeral feel. Something you could do to make it even more powerful is perhaps include some solid, vivid, and explanatory details and imagery in order to further push the concept you are wanting to convey.”

When the ending is so predictable that you knew what it was before you even started reading the story

“You lead up to the ending in a really swift, smooth, and sensical manner. This works great, though I’m curious about how the story as a whole might feel if you were to toy with the ending just a little bit. What if Bob and Sally never got married? What if they never had a baby? How would those things change the reader’s experience of the story? I think that with your language skills and genius creativity, you could have an even more memorable ending. Just push yourself a bit and let’s see what happens!”

When the story is racist

“The scene where the twelve members of the Rodriguez family all pile into a beat-up truck is a really interesting moment for character development. I’m curious if you could go just a little bit further here and perhaps address their relationships with each other and what family means to them. By giving a little bit more information about who these characters are, they will feel even more real and alive on the page.”

When the author doesn’t know what a comma is

“I’m wondering what this scene would read like were you to slow it down with some commas. Think of commas as speed bumps that can improve the flow and readability of a sentence. Without a comma, some sentences might feel overwhelming. If you want readers to feel a sense of chaos or confusion in this scene, then you’re doing great and don’t need to change anything. If you want to pace the reader through this scene so she absolutely understand the purpose of each sentence, then I would at least include commas after your conjunctions."

When an essay is so boring you’d rather listen to your grandfather try to recount his half-remembered stories from way back when — which are the same stories he half-recounted for you just an hour ago

“You have done quite an amazing job at thoroughly providing the reader with a good number of details about the setting, and what the narrator is thinking! On page 24, after you describe his joyful fishing trip, I think you could add in another scene before you transition into having him back at home and mowing the lawn. Maybe include some information about the other people who are in his life, or perhaps a significant moment he has experienced in relation to fishing or yard work. Bringing in these little digressions would make for an even fuller story.”

When the male writer uses his dick as the main character in every essay

“Wow! You’re really pushing boundaries here! It’s intriguing to read something so raw and forthright. While I was reading this, an idea came to me: What would you think about occasionally shifting the focal point of the essay by weaving in a second narrative thread? I think if you were able to pull the writing away from your body, the reader might be able to get an even better sense of how you relate to world and who you are as a sentient being. With your skilled writing, I don’t think this would be too hard!”