This was the week we used eleven percent of our brains to find the perfect NYC apartment. We witnessed a weatherman power through a rough forecast, got bikini tips from Anne Sexton, and enjoyed the lukewarmiest porn we have ever read. To wrap it up, we had some drinks at bars managed by failed philosophy professors while listening to alternate endings of Lee Ann Womack’s classic ballad “I Hope You Dance."

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Lukewarm Girl-On-Girl Action
by Stef Willen

Your Apartment Search Ends NOW
by Dan Amira

I Can Access Eleven Percent of My Brain
by Alex Pearson

A Meteorologist Works Out Some Personal Issues During His Forecast
by Pete Reynolds

Anne Sexton’s Summer Bikini Tips
by Arabella Anderson

Alternate Endings to “I Hope You Dance”
by Elliot Harmon

Animal Epiphanies
by Alex McElroy

Hungover Bear and Friends: Purge Emptiness
by Ali Fitzgerald

Best Joke Ever: Is Dan Guterman the Best Joke Writer in the World?
by Mark Peters

Interviews with People Who Have Interesting or Unusual Jobs: Tim Kovar, Professional Tree Climber
by Suzanne Yeagley

I Like Big Brass and I Cannot Lie: Confessions from the Tuba World: Ode to My Tuba
by Elizabeth Eshelman

Any Given Wednesday Afternoon: Boy of Summer: Six Chubby Sonnets by David McGimpsey
by Ian Orti

Bars Philosophy Professors Opened After Being Denied Tenure
by Jarry Lee

A McSweeney’s Books Interview with Poet Carl Adamshick About His New Collection Saint Friend
by McSweeney’s Books

Non-Essential Mnemonics: Putting Aside Regional Predilections, Pittsburgh Sucks
by Kent Woodyard