This was the week we invited people to submit papers for a conference on how to tell Samantha we really like her, while also citing scientific journals that wrote about unicorns. We street canvassed with a broken heart, failed at writing copy for hotel ads, and asked Busta Rhymes a bunch of questions. To top it all off, we launched a short story contest for new student subscribers and finally (finally!) got our baby to sleep through the night.

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The Association for the Study of Romantic Letters Presents the First Annual Conference On How to Tell Samantha I Really Like Her
by Jason Harrington

Do You Have a Minute for Me?
by Sloane Crosley

McSweeney’s First-Ever Student Short Story Contest
by McSweeney’s

I Failed Terribly at Creating an Approachable Down-Home Tone for a Large American Hotel Chain
by Dan Kennedy

My Baby is Sleeping Through the Night and So I Have Transcended Time, Space, and Pain
by Katie Schorr

Hungover Bear and Friends: Saved By Criticism
by Ali Fitzgerald

Teddy Wayne’s Unpopular Proverbs: Hay
by Teddy Wayne

Retail Therapy: Inside the Apple Store: The Mothership
by JK Appleseed

An Open Letter to Busta Rhymes
by Mike Levine

Actual Unicorn Related Articles Found in Peer-Reviewed Scientific Journals
by David Ng

Testomania: Know Your Rights
by Janet Manley

Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: For the Eye Sees Not Itself
by Susan Schorn

Reviews of New Food
by Mara Altman and Amy Wright

826 Chicago at Pitchfork: Danny Brown Talks Time Travel, Ice Cream, and Eminem
by 826 Chicago

Letters to McSweeney’s
by Various Letter Writers