★ ★ ★ ★
“Softest skin of my life.”
“I seriously love this stuff. Made my callused hands and feet feel softer than when I was 16!”
— Francine, Bala Cynwyd, PA
★ ★ ★ ★
“Can’t live without it!”
“I started cooking with coconut oil after a not-so-great physical scared me straight. My cholesterol is down and my taste buds are still happy!”
— Grant, Rio Rancho, NM
★ ★ ★ ★
“I resurrected my dead dog with coconut oil!”
“I’ve always been a proponent of the manna that is coconut oil. It’s a superfood (I like to call it Mother Nature’s Kale), a cure-all home remedy (risk-free pain management!), and the time machine of skin care supplies (studies show it has the same anti-aging power as good genes!). So, it was no real surprise when Lucithia, my best friend from adult summer camp, told me to try some coconut oil on the body of my recently deceased toy Swedish Vallhound, Gary. When Gary fell off the fire escape of my fourth-floor walk-up, I knew one thing: if I was going to resurrect him from the dead, I was not going to sacrifice my values. I would have to use something organic, chemical-free, and not tested on innocent animals like Gary. That’s when I called Lucithia, who is a registered healer who has been to India, and she told me what to do and ran over to help. So I took out my 12 pound tub of cage-free coconut oil, and brought it down to the sidewalk where the pieces of Gary’s body lay strewn on the pavement. Before touching him, I sanitized my hands with coconut oil, forgot I hadn’t eaten breakfast, ate some coconut oil, noticed my cuticles looked awful, rubbed some coconut oil on my cuticles, and then gave some coconut oil to Lucithia in a Mason Jar as a thank you gift for helping me. Lucithia set up some candles and started some basic chanting to summon the Dark Lord and I drew a chalk circle and assembled Gary’s body parts in a way that resembled what he looked like before falling four flights. To create a Wiccan cone of power, I began rubbing the pure coconut oil, which is a basic mixture of coconut oil, distilled water, silicone, glycerin, cetyl alcohol, and kerosene, into Gary’s remains—and voila! A hole opened up in the pavement, Mephistopheles rose laughing from the hellfire below, scooped up Gary’s remains, and carried him into the Underworld. In no time, Demon Gary, an odd assemblage of the body parts that were not mush from the fall, ran from up out of the fiery Hellmouth and into my arms! And as Demon Gary licked me happily, leaving large disfiguring burns and cuts all over my face with his barbed demon tongue, I said to Lucithia, ‘Pass the coconut oil!’”
— Cynthia, Boulder, CO