Recently, Traig & McGrath discovered that the annals of history are full of much larger ones, and decided to turn their agoraphobic crime-solving skills to the great historical mysteries. Herewith, a case from their Historical Files.

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#42: The Case of the Misplaced Schoolboys
Status: Solved

In 1483, two young brothers were imprisoned in London Tower by their uncle Richard III, who feared they would try to claim the throne. The boys disappeared, and to this day their fate remains unknown. It is a mystery that has always bothered the Shut-Ins, who identify with the housebound young prisoners, and they thought it high time the mystery was solved.

Because they have no background in court politics, the cousins had to base their investigation on their own young relatives. Jenny thought it might have been a case of hide and seek gone wrong. “Like that one time, when we were watching F––– and J–––, and they went to hide, and then we were both seized by an urge to nap. The kids spent the rest of the day cowering in the bulkhead, until the police were so kind as to finish the game for us, later that night.”

Peter had another theory. “Sometimes, when you’re babysitting, the children are very willful, and you can’t watch them as closely as you’d like, especially if you’re also watching their parents’ liquor cabinet. Everyone knows that kings like to drink port, and, from what I understand, children like to drink gin. I bet they all had a nightcap, and the kids just wandered off, as drunk kids are wont to do. The next day, they woke up in a new home they liked better, and forgot to tell their uncle they moved.”

It was impossible to say who was right, so the detectives decided to conduct an experiment involving the cats, the linen closet, and a bottle of sweet vermouth. The results suggested that the boys urinated on their uncle’s good sheets. Whatever occurred next they probably deserved.