The Secret

A step-by-step guide to living in a fantasy world. I like to use it when I’m bored with life, which is all the time.


I always get confused when people talk about feminism. To get my boss to pay me fairly I simply came down with a case of “appendicitis” until he caved. It’s unclear why we need a book for that.

I suppose that some women want to have kids while also growing their careers. Good luck with that.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

The title exhausted me and I never cracked the cover.

The 4-Hour Work Week

The best book I’ve read in ages. Mr. Ferris encourages people to get their affairs in order so that they can lounge around and do nothing. Finally, a philosophy that I can stand behind!

How to Win Friends and Influence People

Why anyone would want to ask for more people in their life is beyond my comprehension.

I had my maid shred it so that it won’t cause any more damage to the world.

Sugar Impact Diet

A complete yawn from beginning to end.
This kind of diet is old hat. My friend Gayelord Hauser created a similar eating plan … in 1930!

The Seven Spiritual Law of Success

Much like what caused my worldwide fame, I think people cling to Mr. Chopra because his exotic accent makes him so charming.

The spiritual laws were okay.

Never Eat Alone

Mr. Ferrazzi gives instructions about how to compulsively invite people to join you during your meals, exercise routines and every other imaginable activity. Even worse, he encourages you to organize frequent gatherings involving many people. Terrible, terrible.

I had my maid burn it.

The Happiness Project

What a waste of time to try to be “happy”! People who smile too much are frightening, anyway, so why encourage it?

The very essence of this book is so distasteful that I read the table of contents, felt nauseous and threw it out my window.

Daring Greatly

Mrs. Brown is a fearless woman and if you actually want to develop relationships with people, then I highly recommend this book. Unfortunately, people like me can’t trust anyone. I’d rather be alone; I’m better off.

I gave it to my maid as a present, the first one I’ve ever given her.