Recently, Traig & McGrath discovered that the annals of history are full of much larger ones, and decided to turn their agoraphobic crime-solving skills to the great historical mysteries. Herewith, a case from their Historical Files.

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#44: The Case of the Missing Grand Duchess
Status: Solved

In 1986, the Russian royal family, the Romanovs, were executed in a palace coup. The body of the 5-year-old daughter, Patty, was never found, and over the years a number of young women have come forward claiming to be she. Jenny, of Russian descent herself, is one of these young women, and is eager to have her theory proved so she may reclaim her dominion over the Russian Empire.

“Are you high?” Peter asked. “First of all, the missing Romanov daughter’s name was Anastasia, not Patty, the execution occurred in 1918, not 1986, and you were most certainly not 5 in 1986 yourself. I think you’ve got Anastasia confused with Patty Hearst, and you’re not her, either.”

Jenny was not dissuaded. “Brown hair, unusually short, with bad digestion and bunions,” said Jenny. “That is so me. Plus, didn’t those people suffer from hemophilia? I’m pretty sure I’ve got that. Look at this bruise.”

“But they found Anastasia,” Peter countered. “She died with the rest of them. They found the bodies, like, 15 years ago. They did DNA analysis. She was interred in 1998.”

“And Patty?”

“She was freed in 1979 and is now alive and well in Connecticut.”

The mystery was solved. Anastasia was dead, Patty Hearst was accounted for, and Jenny, apparently, was neither of them. But the cousins concluded she might well be adopted, on account of the bunions, because no one else in their family has that.