EDGY Media is looking for female talent for their team! An ideal candidate would be:
Attractive non-threatening female. A “10” but not “look” it. Very thin, curvy, not waify. Some ethnic ambiguity but not too much. Black okay. Must be real, down to earth, witty, sarcastic, cheerful, All-American. Can speak a second language. Looks good in all colors, especially blue but pink also a must. Great smile. A real badass. Talent must be comfortable prat falling in high heels. Talent must wear minimum 4" high heels to audition. Needs to be able to hold a gun realistically, but not aggressively. Gorgeous lips. Hilarious! Like Carol Burnett but more attractive. Feet can’t be larger than male talent’s hands. Feet must fit comfortably in the palm of male talent’s hands. Must be able to run in a tight dress, long distances (5K or longer). Indicate if talent has Tarahumara lineage. If talent visibly looks like they have Tarahumara lineage, do not submit. Very smart, genius, but understated. Talent must be okay at times with partial numbness in the face. Working knowledge of origami a must — how to fold a Star Wars speeder bike preferred. Talent must love peanuts. (Do not submit talent if they only “just like” peanuts.) Magic experience strongly preferred but not required. Indicate if talent has sold at least one grand illusion to a magician of importance eg: David Copperfield or the movies. This is a hot dog eating shoot! Talent must not be afraid to eat five hot dogs in a row. Talent must not be afraid to make a heroic comeback after temporary blindness from competitive horse diving. Can cry on command. No dumpy butts. Must have Level-4 clearance to identify and contain chemical weapons that are a threat to national security. Effortless cat eyes. Must have aerodynamic “way of being” — please indicate if talent can literally fly. Must be able to make soup — good soup, like how Mom used to make, but not better. Team player. Must be all the good parts about my old wife. Really stressing the part about peanuts. Talent must not have dated my best friend Mark. No fat chicks. Must jive with audience that doesn’t respond well to female talent.
We look forward to you showing us your stuff!
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