1. Whilst meeting for coffee you:

a) Spontaneously order brunch

b) Ask me repeatedly about my plans to have another child

c) Describe your intention to start a vague program to combat hatred and then ask me to design the website

2. When you notice the dent in your car you:

a) Frantically tell me to call the police and find out how to file a report

b) Suggest that you had parked in a precarious spot because of the pressure you sensed coming from me

c) Turn it into a larger narrative about how nothing in your life is going right

3. After you send an email to your boss
in a moment of anger you:

a) Forward it to me with the words ‘What do I do now?’ in the subject line

b) Send me your résumé and request that I circulate it around

c) Insist that the man I just started dating can resolve the whole thing since he and your boss grew up in the same northeastern city

4. After I’ve lined up a babysitter, put on make-up and
am pulling out of my parking spot, you send a text saying:

a) That you’ve decided you need to save money so you just want to come over and drink “some of that awesome wine” instead

b) That you’re canceling because you and your boyfriend are in the middle of another big fight

c) That you’re changing the meeting place from a movie theater to an EDM club

5. Whenever you tell me I look tired, you:

a) Suggest I call your Pilates teacher to set up a private class

b) Make observations about my diet and vitamin intake

c) Wonder if my son’s early morning waking habits aren’t part of a greater psychological issue

6. When the man I started dating sends me flowers you:

a) Identify the low-end florist who “did a decent job even though they clearly use the same supplier as a bodega”

b) Recall the uber-bouquet you received from a mortgage loan specialist you dated last year

c) Make a list of common allergens

7. At the wedding of a mutual close friend
you took the opportunity to:

a) Tell me how much I let you down by not attending your step-sister’s bat mitzvah

b) Guess that I’ll be the last one of us three to marry because I’m so closed that it drives men away

c) Reveal that you made out with the groom in college and that you’re terrified of it being found out

8. After begging me to meet you at a party
thrown by your work colleague you:

a) Reveal that it was all a ruse to get me to meet the guy from internal audits because you’re certain that he and I are soul mates

b) Call me once I’m already there to say you’re still at home because you can’t find your car keys

c) Get drunk and disappear with the guy from internal audits

d) All of the above

9. Whilst meeting for coffee for the last time you:

a) Frantically search your purse for your cellphone, realize that you’ve lost it and then borrow mine so you can make important call

b) Frantically search your purse for your wallet believing you’ve been robbed and then lash out at the world only to realize that you’ve left your wallet at home… again

c) Ask me if I think you should marry your “on-again, off-again” boyfriend

d) Ask me to drive you to the airport

e) All of the above

10. When a week goes by
and we haven’t spoken you:

a) Tell me that you’re binge-purging again

b) Remind me of the time you were “there for me”

c) Recount how many friends you’ve lost to new relationships only to have them crawl back to you when it all goes wrong

11. When a month goes by during which our
only contact has been through social media you:

a) Book tickets for us to go on a Wellness weekend retreat together

b) Pop by my house with a few bottles of Two-Buck Chuck

c) Correctly assess that I am weeding you out

12. After I’ve texted the answer to your question,
“What’s your exact mailing address” you then:

a) Text me your exact mailing address

b) Text me “Aren’t you curious why I’m asking?”

c) Text me a follow-up question which autocorrect has rendered indecipherable

d) Text me “What’s your exact email address, cellphone and Twitter handle?”

e). Call me

f) All of the above