1. Do you think maybe us fellas are running into trouble precisely because we’re trying to do what those ladies tell us instead of simply being ourselves and if so does your impending advice screed have a built-in fallacy that renders it inoperable?
2. Are you using “smarty” ironically when suggesting party attendance or are you saying it’s wise to eschew figuring out what the ladies are saying?
3. Is “Poindexter” standing against the wall a reference to the deliberate obfuscation of Reagan administration official John Poindexter in the Iran-Contra affair? If so, good job.
4. If “Poindexter” busts a move to the chick whom he wishes to “sex”(?!), would he not be conducting himself in an over-zealous way and thus leave himself vulnerable to shooting down, as referenced earlier?
5. Why are people dancing at a high-class luncheon?
6. Are you exaggerating just how high-class your luncheons are, Young MC?
7. Are you saying that it is a good idea for us fellas to dance after eating to the point where we done split our pants?
8. Do you think dancing with a pants-split partner will delight the gawked-at girl?
9. By calling us “fatso,” do you really think you’re helping the fellas’ situation vis-à-vis the aforementioned gawked-at girl?
10. Have you always been this tone deaf regarding the reading of social cues and the appropriate time to bust a move?
11. Have you been psychologically tested, Young MC?
12. Thanks for the dollop of suicide prevention, but what is this celibate rope from which you caution against hanging ourselves?
13. What is a celibate rope?
14. What on earth is a celibate rope?
15. Is a celibate rope a rope that is not sexually active?
16. Do you think ropes are alive and have genitalia and sexual urges?
17. If it’s mere metaphor, do you think one can die from celibacy?
18. Had you ever experienced sex at the time you wrote this song?
19. When you got older, did you think of changing your name to Sexually Mature MC or did you correctly determine that such a renaming would be grody?
20. In regard to the vignette where one of us fellas goes to a movie alone, sees a yellow-clad woman seated in the same row, and the yellow-clad woman says “come sit next to me you fine fellow” and then a move is prescribed to be busted, what should I take for the headache accrued from trying to absorb your weirdo nonsense word pile?
21. Seeing as the move busted at the theater is not a dance move, as was the case earlier, but rather making out (…?), how are we to know what sort of move is to be busted in any given scenario and perhaps you should purchase a thesaurus?
22. Is your chorus saying that if I want something, I can get that thing by move-busting?
23. Or by having that vocal part performed by a woman, are you merely telling yourself what you want to hear about satisfaction being a mere busted move away?
24. What is a move?
25. How does one bust it?
26. Do you even know?
27. The fuck is a celibate rope?
28. In verse three, when you relate the experience of making a move and a pretty lady saying no way after said move is made, what are we to do with this information?
29. Is making a move different than busting one?
30. Are you aware of the concept of words having specific meanings?
31. So are moves good or bad or does it depend on whether one makes or busts said moves?
32. When a girl on the beach “runs up with something to prove,” does “bust a move” mean to run away and seek safety because that girl sounds dangerous because who does that?
33. Or are we to glean a sexual proposition here?
34. Or, I don’t know, Scientology?
35. Am I starting a rap beef?
36. How are we, the fellas, supposed to break it down when you presented this song as a fully formed product you were giving to us?
37. Did this song need a fourth verse?
38. Or even a third?
39. Or second for that matter?
40. By the time we get to the controversial Harry/Larry verse, have you given up on addressing “all the fellas” and zeroed in on one person (perhaps yourself) who is presented with these oddly specific uncomfortable scenarios?
41. Okay. WHY AM I THE BEST MAN IN LARRY’S WEDDING WHEN THE ONLY WAY I KNOW LARRY IS THROUGH MY BEST FRIEND HARRY?
42. WHY ISN’T HARRY, THE GROOM’S BROTHER, THE BEST MAN?
43. WHY DO YOU NEVER EXPLAIN THE LARRY-HARRY RIFT THAT IS STRONG ENOUGH TO TEAR BROTHERS ASUNDER WHILE STILL ALLOWING HARRY’S BEST FRIEND TO BE LARRY’S BEST MAN?
44. Or is Larry completely bereft of friends and so must borrow his brother’s as though this friend, me, was a comb or necktie?
45. What are we to glean about Harry, Larry, their relationship, and the state of wedding planning if we’re asked to be there “if we can”?
46. How did Larry the cipher-wretch find a bride?
47. What kind of bullshit wedding is this, Young MC?
48. Aside from rhyming, what does “thinkin’” have to do with “blinkin’” and why does the former lead to the latter?
49. Are you aware that everyone blinks all the time?
50. When you wrote the line “reception’s jumpin’, faces pumpin’,” were you just pretty much trying to get to the end of the song like I was?
51. “Faces pumpin’”?
52. I just?
53. When the stacked girl wants to dance to a different groove and you suggest, as you always do, move-busting, is that sex?
54. Do you even know anymore?
55. At the time the song was written, had you ever met a girl or even seen one on TV?
56. Does the celibate rope have, like, a series of clamps and trusses?
This piece is a sequel of sorts to this John Moe classic from 2005.