1. The Practical Message

It’s very important. I’ll meet you at 3. That’s 14th street, between 5th and 6th, number 18 West. I’ve got another appointment uptown at 4, so I’ll give you around 15 minutes. If you’re not there, I’ve got to split.

Transcribed Version:

It’s so very important to meet with three at-bats 14th Street between victims 6 No. 18 West about another point up to forestall get your 15 minutes cannot bear, split

2. The Personal Message

Darling, let me see if I can say this exactly. I’ve wanted so much for our relationship to work. If we could just work past the hard parts, I believe there’s enough there for us to pull through. Would you see me for dinner tonight? Love, forever. Maurice.

Transcribed Version:

Darling of the C- is exactly a 1 so much for relationship to work and we just work as the heart parts of leaders enough their trust all from the woody cedar dinner tonight love forever more release

3. The Emergency Message

I can’t take it anymore. I’ve thrown all obstacles to the wind. I will do the nasty deed tonight. But I have proffered one beacon of hope to the world of chance: I will send out this email to you, my love, because I know you check your email so often. So there. I am giving myself a fighting chance to live. If you read this, no, nay, when you read this, call 911 immediately and give them my home address. The air by then will no doubt be sickly infused with carbon dioxide ‹ or oven gas ‹ and there will be little hope of saving me. But, at least, here, I have made one last attempt to cry out! Anon! Your faithful friend. Hieronymous.

Transcribed Version:

which had taken or from all obstacles to the wind up to the nasty deed tonight my proper one beautiful to the world chance I will send out the scene of humor of because I know you check your males oral so there and myself fighting chance to live you read is no name when you read this call 911 immediately given my home address the air by then will no doubt the sickly infused with carbon dioxide or public gets a new little hope of saving the up at least here at a one last to cry out a non your faithful Brenda Broncos.

4. The Shopping List

One dozen eggs
Pickled herring
A fifth of Dewar’s
Pound of Porterhouse
Six mini potatoes for baking
Herb dressing
A pound of roast beef for the weekend
Six-pack of Diet Sprite
One large Pepsi

Transcribed Version:

One dozen its
Pickled herring
Of victim to her is
Found border house
Six many potatoes for baking
For addressing
A pound grows the the weekend
Six appetites bright
When large Pepsi

5. The Complaint

Dear America Online,

I’ve tested your freely provided Speech Recognition Software. Here I enclosed the transcripts of, first, my typed message and then the transcribed recorded one. As you can see, the variance is quite fascinating. I’m frankly torn between demanding better service — or at least forcing you to agree with my lament that only in such free software is the speech recognition so poor, but if I were to spend a lot more money I could get something that really works — to just saying, “Thanks. I love your translations.”

Best Wishes,
Ron Grunberg

P.S. Yes, I followed all your instructions, read into the training program a half-hour text, and added vocabulary words. Also, I majored in broadcast journalism and worked on the radio for many years. So don’t blame my accent. I don’t have one.

Transcribed Version:

to your or America Online I contested your freely provided speech recognition software here I enclose the transcripts first Mike Tyson messages and then your transfer I reported wants to conceive their regions is quite fascinating unfriendly toward between demanding better servicer of these forcing you agree with my Amanda only in such free software is the speech recognition so warm number spend a lot more money and get something really works to just say thanks I love your translations

best wishes
run rubber

yes yes I follow your instructions rented into the training program half-hour text in the tabular were also major producer journalism works of radio for many years to idle stumbling my acceptable how and…