The Barefoot Contessa: If You Can’t Cook This Shit, You’re a Fucking Idiot

The Barefoot Contessa: Martha, Just Give Me Another Goddamn Recipe Already

The Barefoot Contessa: Shit That’ll Give You Clean Piss Even If You’ve Already Had a Blunt Today

The Barefoot Contessa: No Recipes, Just Some Fucking Barn Pictures, Assholes

The Barefoot Contessa: Check Out This Weird-Ass Shit I Found on the Beach Last Night

The Barefoot Contessa: Probation Hearings!

The Barefoot Contessa: Cooking with Wine

The Barefoot Contessa: Cooking with Whiskey

The Barefoot Contessa: No Cooking, Just Whiskey; Got A Fucking Problem With That, Narc?

The Barefoot Contessa: The Fuck is Your Problem, Fieri?

The Barefoot Contessa: Keggers!

The Barefoot Contessa: Put Some Fucking Arugala in a Goddamn Cuisinart; You Guys Love That Shit

The Barefoot Contessa: Make Your Own Fucking Pesto For Once, Jeffrey

The Barefoot Contessa: Use California-Sourced Extra-Virgin Olive Oil or Fuck Off, Dickface

The Barefoot Contessa on Parole

The Barefoot Contessa: I Live in the Motherfucking Hamptons

The Barefoot Contessa: Lobsters and Shit

The Barefoot Contessa: I Don’t Know, Basil and Edamame Salad? Christ, I’m Hammered

The Barefoot Contessa: I Used To Be a Nuclear Policy Expert in the Motherfucking White House, for Chrissakes

The Barefoot Contessa: What the Fuck are Garlic Shoots?

The Barefoot Contessa: I Bet You’d All Eat An Entire Fucking Stick of Butter If I Told You To

The Barefoot Contessa: Get a Goddamn Job, Jeffrey