1. When you see Kate Middleton on
a magazine cover at the supermarket, you:
A. I’m not sure who she is. I’m taking this quiz because I’m bored at work.
B. Walk on by. She looks kinda familiar but so does that girl bagging. Oh, a new text.
C. My food budget doesn’t allow me to look at magazines.
D. Punch the Mylar “Happy Birthday” balloon in the floral section while crying out, “Monarchist bastards!”
2. You get a sudden last minute
invitation to attend the royal nuptials. You:
A. Hey quiz, please don’t BS me about future “opportunities” as much as my job does.
B. Wonder if it is a sheriff’s department sting.
C. Feel relieved I’ll get something to eat at the reception.
D. See if my anti-imperialist manifesto and Scream Ghostface mask will fit in a carry-on.
3. On Friday, April 29,
the wedding day, you plan to:
A. Uh… work. When is this quiz getting to the sex advice part?
B. I don’t like to box myself in with too many commitments.
C. Pick up my final unemployment benefits check.
D. Roam Times Square holding a sign that says, “Down With the Crown!”
4. William’s father, Prince Charles, married the
late Lady Diana in 1981. Did you watch the wedding?
A. Yes, from my mother’s womb. Thanks for reminding me I’m turn thirty this year and still have “assistant” in my job title.
C. Yes. I started my retirement fund that year. I saved for five years. Then QVC happened.
D. I killed my television in 1979.
5. The recipe for the chocolate cookie cake
Prince William requested for the reception is revealed! You:
A. You know what was fun? That “Are You a Binge Eater?” quiz.
B. Think it sounds good for the munchies.
C. Make my own version with free food bank items like powdered generic cocoa, rice, and evaporated milk.
D. Hope it includes lots of eggs because the only thing I’m doing with these ingredients is throwing them at the royals.
6. True or false:
You would trade places with Kate or William.
A. I’d trade places with the guy working the counter at Falafel King.
B. Are they on The Bachelor?
C. If I’m feeling up to it. When I have to choose between my prescriptions and a new QVC doll, the doll usually wins.
D. Yes. And then at the altar: pie in the face.
7. How do you feel about Prince William’s
decision not to wear a wedding band?
A. Sorry, I missed the question. My boss called an “emergency” meeting about increasing productivity.
B. Dude, alright! #monogamysux
C. It’s sad to see the disappearance of traditions like wedding rings, pension funds, and well-paying jobs.
D. He doesn’t have to be accountable to the People, why should he be to her? It’s the only thing about this spectacle that makes sense.
8. You discover a secret detail about the royal wedding
and Kate begs you not to share it. You:
A. Blackmail her so I can quit this job.
B. Never tell any chick’s business. #mycarwaskeyed
C. Assure her I’ll be hush-hush unless I mix up my medications.
D. Get used to living in the dungeon under Buckingham Palace until after the wedding.
9. Prince William will likely be King of England one day.
Are you looking forward to his coronation?
A. I’m going to lunch.
B. We beat them like 500 years ago. They don’t have a king. Nice try, SAT, or whatever this is.
C. If I still have a home and television I will happily watch.
D. You should see the Ghostface-wearing-a-crown banner I’m going to unfurl from Westminster Abbey.
Your Royalist Rating:
Mostly A: Royal Pain: Meritocracy sucks! You have nothing to blame your failures on but yourself, and it’s bringing you down. Perk up by embracing the aristocratic model. Consider moving to a nation where a path is prescribed to you from birth. Like Oman!
Mostly B: Spoiled Royal: You live like a prince or princess, which doesn’t leave you much time to think about other royals. But you should! Who else has the same amount of idle time? The more you tune in to Kate and William, the more you’ll figure out who you really are!
Mostly C: Royal Loyal: The subject is happiness! You take full advantage of the joy the royals can bring to the life of an ordinary person. So treat yourself. Consider mortgaging your house for a third time so you can fly to London and be part of the festivities!
Mostly D: Royal Jester: You joker! You love making the royal couple laugh with your gentle jibes about their privileged lifestyle. Just don’t go too far. People might think you’re serious and then you could get a visit from MI-5, which isn’t