How to Go Along
to Get Along.
BY JENNY SHANK
Q: How was your weekend?
A: Too short, man, too short.
Q: Would you please remove your belt, shoes, and wallet and step into this machine that will perform an intimate scan of your body?
A: Can’t complain.
Q: After we urge you to vaccinate your family against the Child-Killer Flu, shall we make the vaccine impossible to get, and then say whoops, our bad, the flu wasn’t so terrible this year after all?
A: Good to go.
Q: What if we were to add 300 or 400 more teams to the NCAA basketball tournament?
A: Have a good one.
Q: In exchange for allowing you to use our website to connect with friends and family, may we sell and otherwise make public the personal information you gave us in confidence?
A: Hanging in there.
Q: What if we just pump your favorite foods full of corn syrup without telling you?
A: You go, girl.
Q: May we see your proof of citizenship?
SUGGESTED READSAnother Example of the Illuminating Correspondence Between John Hodgman, Professional Literary Agent, and His Cousin, One ‘Josh,’ Who Aims to Be a Man of Letters
by John Hodgman (1/31/2000)
Josh Has No Idea How Much Some Writers Would Pay for the Advice He Gets for Free from John Hodgman, Professional Literary Agent. But Because Josh is His Cousin, John Provides His Guidance Happily, if Thanklessly
by John Hodgman (4/12/2000)
by Jamie Allen (9/24/2010)
RECENTLYLet’s Have a Meeting to Plan Our Next Meeting
by Josh Freedman (7/28/2016)
Best Joke Ever: Who’s the Funniest Star Wars Character?
by Mark Peters (7/28/2016)
List: 7 Romantic Places for You and Your Dream Guy Who Lives With His Girlfriend
by Madeleine Trebenski (7/28/2016)
POPULARList: Comforting Thoughts for #NeverHillary Bernie Supporters After Trump’s First Term
by David Kawalec (7/26/2016)
List: Who Said It? Donald Trump or Regina George?
by Amber Karlins (7/22/2016)
List: Final Schedule for the 2016 Republican National Convention
by John Moe (7/18/2016)