Q: How was your weekend?

A: Too short, man, too short.

Q: Would you please remove your belt, shoes, and wallet and step into this machine that will perform an intimate scan of your body?

A: Can’t complain.

Q: After we urge you to vaccinate your family against the Child-Killer Flu, shall we make the vaccine impossible to get, and then say whoops, our bad, the flu wasn’t so terrible this year after all?

A: Good to go.

Q: What if we were to add 300 or 400 more teams to the NCAA basketball tournament?

A: Have a good one.

Q: In exchange for allowing you to use our website to connect with friends and family, may we sell and otherwise make public the personal information you gave us in confidence?

A: Hanging in there.

Q: What if we just pump your favorite foods full of corn syrup without telling you?

A: You go, girl.

Q: May we see your proof of citizenship?

A: T.G.I.F.